help.<\/p>\n
i’m losing control of the volcano and the energy is turning dark.<\/p>\n
i want to get out of the country but i have a feeling even that won’t be far enough away.<\/p>\n
yet a secret part of me is afraid i’m going to take myself so far away that i may actually let go forever.<\/p>\n
i’ve stopped recognizing myself in the mirror.<\/p>\n
all i see is someone who is so, so lost.<\/p>\n
and i look at her and out of stubborn pride, i refuse to ask her why.<\/p>\n
i almost had it today, i almost had my legs. i was almost ready to become the princess of disks and bury that spear deep into the earth so i could reclaim dominion. i could see everything and my path was solid, not a theoretical vision but a real thing that exists like a place or a person. but then something happened and i crumbled again, lost in amorphic feelings that seem to refuse to convert into fuel.<\/p>\n
i’ve lost my handle. and i need to find some way to get it back soon, before this energy dissipates and leaves me stranded.<\/p>\n
i could say, i need a 3rd point i can trust so i can triangulate my position, but how can another person help illuminate where i am if i’ve lost where i’m going again.<\/p>\n
maybe this is a stage. i hope it’s a stage. but a part of me feels that there’s an urgency to this matter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
help. i’m losing control of the volcano and the energy is turning dark. i want to get out of the country but i have a feeling even that won’t be far enough away. yet a secret part of me is afraid i’m going to take myself so far away that i may actually let go […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-1553","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1553"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1553\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}