{"id":21,"date":"2003-04-11T02:53:00","date_gmt":"2003-04-11T09:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/blog\/?p=21"},"modified":"2003-04-11T02:53:00","modified_gmt":"2003-04-11T09:53:00","slug":"21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/?p=21","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

Well, I just signed on and saw that I’m visitor #69 (yeeeeahh!). Of course, all the other 68 visitors were also me, so this is not really anything to be proud of. Okay, I’ve decided that no one in the world reads this so I should be able to write very revealing things without worries, right? But I’m afraid to take that plunge. I just know that the minute I write something about blowjobs, or sixty year-old boyfriends or taping my penis between my thighs as I parade around in white spandex while attending Disney on Ice, my 2nd grade teacher will accidentally stumble onto this site while looking for a low-fat recipe for lemon biscotti and somehow recognize the author as me, a member of her Top 20 Best Students Ever list, and proclaim, “I thought I knew her!” as she clutches her chest and dies of a massive coronary. Or should I say, disappointment? The doctors will never know.<\/p>\n

But again, there’s the logical reasoning of…no one cares.<\/p>\n

I just got back from a trip to the Grand Canyon. Three Words. Fucking Awe Some.<\/p>\n

I realized that my personality type is that of a Loner. Who gets lonely. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? God are you there? It’s me, Julia. And I have a gun.<\/p>\n

I also found out that my mother does not appreciate the phrase, “Dammit Jesus Christ Muthafucker.” Not one bit.<\/p>\n

I have a lot of emotions but I don’t express them. Is that true? Have I been walking around giving my love out when in reality, no one even realizes it? I wonder if I come off totally unemotional. I know, I shouldn’t care so much how I come off or how people perceive me. But it is a little bit disturbing. That maybe my intentions aren’t being carried out by my self. Sometimes I don’t think people hear me. Sometimes I think that people don’t take me seriously, or don’t realize that I’m being vulnerable and they accidentally say the wrong thing that ends up hurting. Sometimes I think I’m a big pussy. And not in a good sense (but then again, is there really a good sense?). Mike asked me the other day if I feel like I’m on a different level than other people. I don’t know about levels, but sometimes I feel like I’m on a different plane, and that it’s all coming from my subjective perspective, but that I just have trouble relating in the same way other people do. I don’t think I intellectualize my perception of the universe and it’s form as a way to avoid dealing with emotions. But I do think I don’t always share how I feel or the things that make me vulnerable because I don’t trust people to treat me with sensitivity and kindness. I just don’t want to get hurt anymore. There. I said something honest. <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Well, I just signed on and saw that I’m visitor #69 (yeeeeahh!). Of course, all the other 68 visitors were also me, so this is not really anything to be proud of. Okay, I’ve decided that no one in the world reads this so I should be able to write very revealing things without worries, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-21","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}