I suppose the way it starts is that my heart starts that magnet’s drift towards someone not exactly available, and because I’m a highly moral person, I ignore it, refuse to acknowledge it, build up walls around it hoping it can never find the light of day. But the moment I say to myself that I think I like this person, it’s like the mere acknowledgment suddenly gives it life–whereas once it was a possibility of real, my acknowledgment now makes it real. And then it becomes an active act of hiding it. Of dissolution of my own feeling.<\/p>\n
The other day someone mentioned someone I know is another guy who’s going to be settling down soon. When I heard this, my heart skipped in panic. It was that moment I couldn’t deny it to myself, and in the same instance, I was terrified the person I was talking to knew it now, too. The truth was all over my reaction. And from that point forward, I ‘ve been lying myself, needing to do it so well in order to not complicate my life, that I’ll come to believe it to be the truth. I do not have these feelings.<\/p>\n
Then again, sometimes if you suppress your feelings long enough, they do go away on their own. Chemistry often has a shelf life, even when not consummated.<\/p>\n
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I suppose the way it starts is that my heart starts that magnet’s drift towards someone not exactly available, and because I’m a highly moral person, I ignore it, refuse to acknowledge it, build up walls around it hoping it can never find the light of day. But the moment I say to myself that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-6415","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6415"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6415\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6417,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6415\/revisions\/6417"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}