So this is how it went down.<\/p>\n
I’m in the kitchen, vehemously scrubbing the dishes with soap and a sponge like an obsessive-compulsive, opting not to use the dishwasher because I was awashed by my hardworking-Asian-in-the-fields ancestor roots and wanted to work with my hands. There’s a joy and naturalness to doing something that takes great manual effort. I was also very high.<\/p>\n
Lauren is listening to her phone messages when she turns around and says, “Some brother<\/em>…just left me a message saying, ‘So this is how it’s gonna go down bitch<\/em>. You haven’t called me back.’ I think it’s this guy I met a long, long time ago.”<\/p>\n So she’s a little bit rattled and I’m telling her that guy sounds insane, especially if he’s been harboring anger at you for not calling him for this long of a time. Because it means he sat there and stewed about it obsessively. And I’m starting to freak out for her.<\/p>\n She wants me to listen to the message. I’m thinking I’m about to listen to a message from someone unstable enough to be a bona fide psychopath; she puts the phone to my ear and indeed, I hear a man say, “So this is how this is gonna go down bitch<\/em>. You haven’t called me back.” Then pathetically, “So call me…bye…”<\/p>\n I started cracking up and said, “Lauren, that was a gay <\/em>man. That brother’s gay<\/em>.”<\/p>\n “So this is how this is gonna go down bitch<\/em>“?<\/p>\n Honestly, he sounded like some girl trying to start a catfight.<\/p>\n So now Lauren’s a little embarrassed because we’re about to make fun of her because some guy who’s OBVIOUSLY gay but in complete self-denial was pissed at her for not calling him.<\/p>\n I say we need Brian’s opinion for verification. He’ll know if the guy’s gay.<\/p>\n Brian listens to the message and then starts cracking up, throwing the phone back to her. “That’s Colin<\/em>.”<\/p>\n Remember Colin and his raging boots from a few posts ago? Dude, he’s most definitely some beautiful-black-but-psychotic stalker. I was totally freaking out that Lauren was being stalked by a maniac.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So this is how it went down. I’m in the kitchen, vehemously scrubbing the dishes with soap and a sponge like an obsessive-compulsive, opting not to use the dishwasher because I was awashed by my hardworking-Asian-in-the-fields ancestor roots and wanted to work with my hands. There’s a joy and naturalness to doing something that takes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[12],"class_list":["post-695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-695","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=695"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}