Goddam commit to not caring. I’m fucking serious. Fucking commit to it or caring is going to kill you, Julia. You need to turn it off.<\/p>\n
I felt most peaceful in Seattle. I traded silence for the price of loneliness. And I finally felt like I could hear myself. Recognize myself.<\/p>\n
Coming back to Fremont is like charging back into the center of the sun. Everything is painful. Everything is a draining challenge. Everything hurts. Whatever buffer I gained in that year in Seattle, it’s been burning off in the atmosphere and I’m getting more and more exposed. I came back a giant but little by little it chips away. My skin is raw in this air. My skin will burn up if exposed.<\/p>\n
I’m not of this place. I found a way to sustain myself and my boundaries for a time but I can not breathe this air. And now my supply is running out and I am starting to suffocate. It is getting too close to being about survival. Fight or flight. My inner violence is a hot, hot anger. A tiger pacing, frantic to breathe. I resent this cage. I hate this cage. I resent those who I believe put me here. Hurt others or hurt myself to save others. This can not be the balance in which my life hangs. And yet every day, I make a choice.<\/p>\n
At the base of every human, is a shadow that is no more than an animal. This is a world that demands compromise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Goddam commit to not caring. I’m fucking serious. Fucking commit to it or caring is going to kill you, Julia. You need to turn it off. I felt most peaceful in Seattle. I traded silence for the price of loneliness. And I finally felt like I could hear myself. Recognize myself. Coming back to Fremont […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-7702","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7702"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7703,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7702\/revisions\/7703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7702"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7702"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7702"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}