I texted him last night and said, something inside me changed this week.<\/p>\n
He asked me to let him know when I figured out what.<\/p>\n
I think it’s a feeling of getting more at ease with things that are not black and white.<\/p>\n
And the sudden return of the hunger.<\/p>\n
Maybe these guys are just looking for validation. Someone to see them a certain way, a way they want to see themselves. <\/p>\n
Does it freak a guy out when he reads how I can read into another man, know my hold with enough confidence to call him out for thinking about me?<\/p>\n
But if you were to ask me if a man I covet thinks about me, is open to me, I would tell you, I don’t know. My desire (vulnerability?) creates a blind spot. I have no confidence in this area. I don’t believe someone I wanted has ever wanted me back because I’ve never experienced it. Maybe because I’ve been blind or maybe because it never happened, I don’t know, but the experience is the same. I have a poor read on things the more I care about them.<\/p>\n
Today we talked about the tournament pictures and he said he doesn’t look good in any pictures. And so I sent him some I thought he looked good in. On one hand I wondered if he was fishing for a compliment but on the other it didn’t matter to me because I knew the way I see him and I want him to feel about himself the way I feel about him. Does he know how I see him? Do I matter to him? It doesn’t really matter. But because it doesn’t, that’s exactly why I’m in the situation I’m in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I texted him last night and said, something inside me changed this week. He asked me to let him know when I figured out what. I think it’s a feeling of getting more at ease with things that are not black and white. And the sudden return of the hunger. Maybe these guys are just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-8416","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8416","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8416"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8416\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8422,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8416\/revisions\/8422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8416"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8416"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8416"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}