So mostly it’s been technical problems. And simply plugging in for a while. I met a psychic years and years ago who told me once I get plugged in, everything will start falling into place. But I didn’t know how. Everything was an echo around me. I was always searching, searching, but so fearful of the dark. So I never really felt connected. To something bigger than me. To something that would have me interacting with people like normal human beings.<\/p>\n
I think the first sign that my blog and I would drift was when my 29 broke. That number is me. I heard that there are certain communities who know me as 29. It’s who I am and what I represent. Then I couldn’t post from my phone anymore. I couldn’t post my thoughts in the moment. I couldn’t sit in public places and have conversations with my blog and an infinite echo. Sometimes I think about the guy who helped me make this blog in the first place. He was a lot younger than me, having an affair with a woman a lot older than me. He told me things had ended even though they still saw each other at the gym. I thought he was a friend of my brother’s so I trusted him, found him charming. But then when I found out he still had something going on with her–in that I flew in to surprise him once because he said he was feeling sick, and he didn’t cancel a “hang out and watch a movie” night he’d planned with her, I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. And I remember he got so mad at ME, like I’d used him and betrayed him.<\/p>\n
Anyway, there are times over the years when I think about my broken blog and wish I could just ask him to fix it, because this thing once was the most precious thing to me, but I always completely cut things off when I realize it’s not the right path. I never move backwards, only forwards. I just carry all the memories with me.<\/p>\n
Like Christian from Naples from the cruise. To be honest that same psychic told me I’d pissed him off with my words and to leave him alone so I did. She was some lady I’d met at a party, I don’t know if she was psychic or a <\/em>psychic, but considering she didn’t even know that I had a blog and said that Jerry and I would be friends for a very long time which was true, I just assumed she was right. I’m timid with reaching out to people to begin with. But sometimes I think about him, and want to tell him that a Virgo turned out to be the love of my life.<\/p>\n People who knew me from back in the day ask me, do you still write? Not really. I write different things now. Some are good, some are functional. Every once in a while I get inspiration, but I let it pass a lot. I think mostly I got talking so much to myself. And I realized I’m somehow a mental sprinter with incredible endurance, but I don’t have the focus for marathons. Writing every tree while showing the forest was difficult for me. But I also wonder if when I die, I will leave behind one single work. And that will be my life’s masterpiece.<\/p>\n A gemini always needs at least two of everything. Maybe my one will be my greatness.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So mostly it’s been technical problems. And simply plugging in for a while. I met a psychic years and years ago who told me once I get plugged in, everything will start falling into place. But I didn’t know how. Everything was an echo around me. I was always searching, searching, but so fearful of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbl5mn-8737","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8737"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8748,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8737\/revisions\/8748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juliashih.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}