Echo

i can’t do it myself.

someone understand how brave i am.

someone understand how scared i am.

i. will. find. you. backwards.

i’ve heard you try to speak german to me. but i don’t have time to read.

these days i’m so confused.
it’s all out of control.

these days, i’m so focused.
it’s all about control.

creatives are not people
they are creatures

Today the office sang happy birthday to a cake.

Bohr got a bag full of exploding fireworks cake candles that someone brought back from China for his mom. We took one and have been plotting all week how to have an excuse to light it. We found one girl whose birthday was last Sunday but she said she’d kill us if we made a big deal of it. I realized any cake that is baked that day would be celebrating a birthday. So I went and bought a red velvet cake, then we gathered everyone and had them sing happy birthday to it before lighting the explosive (gunpowder-containing) candle. It was satisfying.

Video footage of the crazy Chinese candle (as well as video of our office bbq football game shortly before Luke and I conked heads and nearly gave each other concussions) here.
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Often our blindness is what makes us dishonest.
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I put my dreams into words. My words into reality. I give it 70% tonight.
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Fucked Up.

this date seems significant and i was trying to figure out why. a lot of full moon pull. i searched  9/22 last year and found this:

i am a self-actualizing gemini, but don’t be mistaken. i am a raging sky, a tempest, a flood. a saharan desert of grains and grains of sand revealing everything and nothing. i am one tiny person, heart in hand, thinking, at the bottom of a silent ocean. i am human–fighting for what it means to be human, so one day, i will be familiar to anyone who has never believed in their own reflection.

dear other,
if anything should ever happen to me,
promise me you will write.

How Geminis Communicate

Brian: Ppppppppfffffttttt…..
Julia: bowchikabowbow!
Brian:

Julia: then you know exactly how i behaved at sarita’s wedding this weekend.

If you weren’t so stubborn about the things you can’t do, I would stake my life with you.

this is a dream i looked up because i happened to remember it:

https://juliashih.com/2007/07/21/1158/

this is a dream i found that i’d forgotten about. it astonished me:

https://juliashih.com/2005/03/15/793/

that’s some serious detail. that’s an entire twin-peaks world in there, all in the lifetime of a dream.

i’m a million different people from one day to the next…i can’t change…my mind no no no no…

No one has commented on my voice in a long time. I remember how B and I met. I was in a smoky house party, having just arrived and was talking to someone as I dropped off my coat, when from the other side of the room, a loud gay voice said, “Oh. My. God. Who is that voice? It’s like VELVET.” And that’s how Brian and Julia met.
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I read poetry at Sarita’s oceanside wedding today. People were commenting afterwards that they were crying and they loved my voice. One woman said that with my voice, everyone was having sex with me in their minds right now. Plus that I’m extraordinarily beautiful, with that voice and my ability to stand up in front of people and do THAT…it made her want to be my friend. Most important feedback was the bride. You nailed it, she said. Nailed it.
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Different night, different animal. Today I heard a story about elks who separate into old and young with the old sacrificing themselves to allow the young to live. In this case, in reference to jumping over an insurmountable chasm. I told the story of elephants who mourn their dead, crows who can not let one die alone, and my favorite, ants that come back for their dead. Then there was the story of the cow in the desert who stopped a caravan carrying water, by blocking the road. It endured a severe whipping but refused to move, until a soldier, going against his orders, filled a bowl of water and brought it to her. The cow didn’t drink, but bellowed, and moments later, a calf appeared.