One night, last week, I called my coworker late at night. He was going through this gall bladder flush program that removes gall stones and improves your joints. He had just taken a mixture of epsom salts and grapefruit juice followed by olive oil and grapefruit juice. According to everyone else in my office who’s done it, it’s some horrific stuff.
“How’s the flush?”
“Oh man, my body is a war zone.”
I laughed.
“You think you’re gonna make it into work tomorrow?”
“I don’t know, I really don’t know.”
“Well, I hope it works.”
“So…how was your gym experiment?”
“Really fuckin’ cool. I could see everything, man. How people were interacting, what kind of people they were just by watching them. And these guys kept trying to talk to me, but it was like something about me was making them all confused and stupid. They were kinda like little boys.”
“So red works, huh?”
“It’s unbelievable.”
“I don’t think it’s the red, honey. I think it’s you.”
“I know.”
“No, I’m serious. You’re like creating crazy energy right now and people are magnetized.”
“I know! It’s the craziest thing.”
I start laughing and can’t stop.
“It’s like their mental compasses go haywire. You should see their eyes.”
He laughs.
“Man, you got mad game.”
There’s a silence.
“So what are you doing right now?”
“I’m taking pictures of myself in my underwear.”
He cracks up.
“I’m really glad you didn’t tell me that at the beginning of this conversation, because I wouldn’t have paid attention to a single thing after that.”
There’s a silence. I change the subject.
“I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. It’s been getting really hard to focus on work. I mean, how the hell are we bettering the world by selling driver’s license scanners?”
“You’ve just gotta think of this as a small step in the master plan. You’re here so that you can do this while you get ready for what you really want to do with your life.”
“We’re completely wasting our potential.”
“Yeah, I know. I know…”
“Man, I’m in such a good place in my life.”
“Yeah, you can tell.”
“People just need to be themselves.”
“You seem totally different from the way you used to be, even at work.”
“Was I a jerk before?”
“No.”
“I was a jerk, wasn’t I?”
“No…you were different. You were more mysterious. Like you would talk, but then it was like the conversations didn’t reveal anything. And we just didn’t know anything about you. And you were always hiding in your office.”
“Yeah, I wanted to be left alone. I don’t think I was very happy.”
“No. But now you’re opening up a lot more, and you’re letting more people into your life which is a great thing.”
“You think I am?”
“It sounds like it.”
“Hey, what’s being a Scorpio like?”
“Hey hey, I can’t give away game plans. Snoop says, your game is to be sold, not told.”
“I’m not asking you for game plan, just what it’s like.”
“Well, we only do things for selfish reasons. I don’t do anything unless I’m expecting to get something out of it, or that it’s going to pay off in some way. You’re always talking about how you do things for people and don’t expect anything back…nu uh. I think of everything as an investment.”
“So everything you do has a motive.”
“Exactly. So us talking, just remember that I have a selfish motive. It’s not necessarily a bad motive…it’s just selfish.”
“Well, here’s the thing though. Us Gemini’s…if there’s one thing we know, it’s to never, ever let anyone catch you. Because if someone catches you, they can own you, and then you’re fucked. You have to be consistently one person for the rest of your life and we can’t do that because we’re all these people trapped in one person. It’s the guys in The Prestige…these facets inside us are all trying to act consistent enough to seem to belong to the same person, but it’s actually a bunch of different people that share one communication hub. They’re all in here and the reason we seem so enchanting to people is because we have so many different personalities, but we know the death of our spirit is for someone to catch us, because they couldn’t keep switching. Only one personality will be allowed to survive and that would mean the suffocation of the others. So we’re driven by this horror and we’re fucking fast. And you’ve gotta be able to catch us first. But no one’s faster than us.”
“Shit, we gotta catch you, too?”
“You can try. But no one is faster and more determined to not get caught than a Gemini. Except maybe a Pisces. Damn, Pisces are hard. I can’t stay away from Pisces. Maybe that’s the thing, Geminis are off chasing Pisces but can’t catch em, Scorpios are chasing Geminis but can’t catch them, and somewhere behind you, you’re driving some poor girl crazy.”
“Maybe a Virgo.”
“I can see that. You’re probably driving a lot of myspace girls crazy…”
We ended up talking about how each sign’s game plan differs, the secrets of how we draw people to us, but he was pretty serious about me keeping it a secret so I won’t post it. But I think if you really meditate on the symbols of astrology, you will find that they really really resonate at the core of people.