Echo

“How much would you pay to get me back if I were kidnapped?” I asked Michael.

“Ten.”

“Ten dollars or ten million?”

“Ten dollars.”

“That’s it?!?”

“JULIA. That’s all I have in my wallet, okay?”

there was a dark-haired guy in a red baseball cap standing behind me. he was handsome in a dark, brooding sort of way. he was here with 2 other guys, but the way they slouched their shoulders around him, he was clearly the alpha.

we had made eye contact several times and i had smiled once in acknowledgment. at one point, i overheard him say the words, “at the gym,” and i suddenly realized why he looked familiar–he goes to the same gym.

i turned and looked over at him, and he was looking straight at me. i looked away. i overheard him say, “but she’s more attractive than she is nice.”

coward. keep lying to yourself.

one day, if you ever meet a december 20, 1975 kiwi named gareth who works on a boat, he will tell you about the night he met me–what i did to his world, how badly he wanted to draw my eyes, what came over him when he laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes, what he felt when he rested his hand on my leg, how much he wished he could hold my hand, what it meant to look me in the eyes and be so completely seen. he will tell you how he’d never felt so drawn to a woman so quickly and so completely, how badly he wanted it, to feel her insides, to feel her heat and pulse, to know that she is real and she is here…with him. for him. and he’ll tell you how i shared a warmth that was so truthful, such a flood of unadulterated joy, yet still disappeared into the night, adamantly untouched. he was a boy usually accustomed to getting what he wants who somehow found his hands tied. but he’ll always smile whenever he remembers that night.

tonight was the second night in a row the possibility of sex was blatantly on the table. and just as i’m confessing…the need to hunt is becoming overwhelming. tonight, i was in a familiar place, one which featured a stuffed leopard on its altar. i could have had anyone just by looking at him. he would have even walked himself over. and still, i was gentle, i was kind, and i waited. none of them were you.

one day, when your friends look at me and comment, “that woman…she really loves you,” you will be aware of an entire sea of time and an echoing expanse of universe, and realize all over again how profoundly lucky you are.

el caído
in heaven he was an angel
on earth he is something else

half the men will believe you’re an angel
the other half will want to throw you down a well
be light for one
shadow the other

where the head and tail meet.

from chilly:

My mother needs a miracle. My mother, Rosangela Doniak, has cancer and 50% chance to live past 6 – 12 months. We don’t have insurance… and the chemotherapy alone costs 6 thousand dollars every 21 days. I ask for you to pray for her well deserved miracle. And for those of you like me who don’t pray, I ask for all your… positive intentions and energy, and thoughts. Thank you.

what i’m working on? this sums it up right here.

A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

women are drawn to me just as often as men. i’m always surprised by that.

some people work in circles
some people work in squares
i work in triangles

through these oceans of words i can feel you.

i almost thought you were here tonight, and stood watching someone who looked so much like you, from 18 feet i could almost imagine how it will be when it’s finally you.

i know your energy. i know your smile.

you will know me because i’m glowing.

you will know me, because i part the crowd like a sea.

you will know me, because you know me.

but the question is, the bridge.

how will we build this bridge?

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that’s learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try

Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There’s no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

–pink floyd, learning to fly

time traveler’s wife

read it.

you can play to win
or you can play to not lose

it’s not the same thing.

i’m in really good shape right now. especially my legs. sometimes i feel them and think, someone somewhere’s missing out, seeing as i’m the only one who gets to touch this.

i got an email from my teammate that totally made my night:

It is great to have you back. Your strength, speed and enthusiasm really bring the team spirit and effort WAY UP!!! Seriously!!! Thanks for not having surgery yet.

uh uh, not vanessa with the singing career, but the x-rated video queen. kno’ what i mean?

mash-up of two of my favorite songs. this song’s dedicated to you.

i grew up using video game logic to shape my understanding of reality.

now, i believe that programming of perspective has helped me maneuver through life. it taught me 1st person omniscience with simultaneous subjective immersion and detached control, and an absolute belief that in any situation, the programmer has implanted a way to succeed. it taught me how to plug into the rhythm and external intelligence of my world.

it taught me how to be detached and involved, be in a world, but also standing above it, analyzing the creators to predict what it is they want me to do.

now, i would like to find a way to put it all together, communicate the perspective.

12 is showing the 9 how to use its past to understand the future.

12 is helping 9 get to 22.