Echo

“Just remember, Julia, when you do end up going on the set…don’t fall in love.”

hehe

I’ll TRY.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=1955&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544658

My favorite:

Susan, 39, went on a date with a guy who couldn’t stop talking about another woman. “He talked a lot about a lady friend of his, their emotional bond and admitted the woman was married and lived in another country.” He kept talking about her the whole night. “It was obvious he was more comfortable with his quasi-fantasy relationships than face-to-face dating.”

Guys who are more into quasi-fantasy relationships than face-to-face dating? Imagine THAT. I’ve actually been out with a few of these. It’s like watching a circus freak show as they spin and spin and spin in their heads with their narcissistically obsessive thoughts about not being able to be with someone (else), when in truth, they obviously can’t be with ANYONE until they deal with themselves. But unfortunately, this psychological masturbation requires a “date” to be an audience for it to be pleasurable. GOOD. Times. I would just slip out of the chair and crawl away slowly. Trust me. He won’t notice.

My Top 9 Worst Dates:

1. The Asian Fetishist who asked me if I was into S&M on the first date because “…most asian girls are into that stuff. Right? Right??”
2. The guy who SPEARED food off of my plate without asking and then tried to feed me a cheesy line when I wouldn’t let him come upstairs.
3. This one is self-explanatory: “I’m sitting here looking at you, and I’m thinking about how hot your mom is.”
4. The Really Insecure Guy who spent the entire evening giving me his entire relationship and sexual history, going into immense detail and reenactments of emotionally-tormented arguments and conversations.
5. The Crazy Agro Foreign Guy who got drunk and stoned and then tried to pick fights with anyone who would come near us. Then admitted to having been a part of a cat burglary ring in Europe when he was a teenager. Then he started getting paranoid and called me sketchy.
6. The guy who wouldn’t talk and would just stare. The ENTIRE night. I never saw him blink.
7. The really attractive, intelligent businessman who told me that he ran a computer company, but then admitted to lying to people for sport and having gotten rich off of internet porn sites. I didn’t want to go out with him again, but invited him to my birthday party a few months later, to which he showed up with two really homely girls and made out with them in front of me, then discussed that he has been depressed since he broke up with his “lover.”
8. The guy who was so nervous he couldn’t stop shaking and when I didn’t want him to walk me to my car, he was on the verge of tears. (I felt really horrible about this one)
9. The cute lawyer who got so trashed at the bar, that he kept grabbing my crotch. Without permission.

Number 10: Bad Date Because of Me

I went out with this really gorgeous shy guy who’s a friend of a friend. It was the first night I had moved into my new place and we went out for drinks, then I invited him up to check out my place. I told him that I wanted to show him the view from one of the balconies. I had him sit on a couch, then I lit some candles, opened up the balcony where there was an awesome view of the city, TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS, and then stood in the doorway behind him and didn’t do anything. Because my intentions were literally, to show him this great view. You can imagine his confusion. I didn’t realize that I could of had it until I told a friend of mine about how the date went and she screamed, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? I’m really oblivious sometimes.

um.

I think we just went into the wrong compartment in my head.

I mean, I’ve never been afraid of walking into my home and getting attacked by a knife-wielding psycho. Because somewhere subconsciously, I figure that if trouble is near, I’ll hear some ominous soundtrack music to warn me, so I’ll be okay.

How many is a lot? And is anyone really counting? You know what I’m talking about. Sex. I dated a guy once who wouldn’t tell me how many people he’d been with. Finally, after we broke up, he said he lost count, but it was probably close to 80…100. I flipped, considering at the time we had been dating, I was at ZERO. Yeah, he’s European, a total player and older than me and all but damn…I’m so glad I never did anything with him. But what’s weirder, is that when I told him that I was at one (and zero when we had been dating), he was shocked. He said that girls my age are usually at 20-25 (I was 21 yrs old at the time). I think his perception is pretty skewed. But I wonder if people really count numbers.

Personally, I don’t think it really matters. The only thing is what a high number might imply. If a guy has been with 30 girls, you assume he must have slept around. But if you average it, he’s been with about 3 girls a year and that doesn’t sound as bad. So the number doesn’t necessarily tell you anything. I think if you get to know a person well, then you’ll discover the things that really matter…what his values are, what kind of person he is, and if he cares about and respects you. Fuck the past. It’s called the past cuz we’re supposed to leave it in the past.

On a different (?) note…I was bored at work and did some calculations.

If I go out on a date with you, there’s an 8% chance that I’ll sleep with you.
If I go out on multiple dates with you, there’s a 9.7% chance that I’ll sleep with you.
If I make out with you, there’s a 27.3% chance that I’ll sleep with you.

If you’re a Gemini, there’s an 18.2% chance that I’ll make out with you.
If you’re a Leo, Aquarius or Libra, there’s a 13.6% chance that I’ll make out with you.
If you’re a Taurus or Sagittarius and you’re hot and discreet, there is a 99.9% chance that I will make out with you.
If you’re my hot next door neighbor, there’s a 100% chance I will make out with you and chain you up in my closet.

So if you’re a guy and these statistics discourage you, don’t worry:

But here’s the thing. In my experience, if you’re a lady in the street, a guy will get freaked out when you’re a freak in bed. They can’t handle it because it causes all sorts of weird respect issues. First you’re classy just like mom, and now you’re a sex kitten. It fucks up their heads. Jake told me that what guys actually want is a freak in the street who’s a freak in bed, but whom the guys can convert into a lady.

I’m not sure if I should just toss this wholesome label. On one hand, it serves me well and puts me in good standings with parents and the general adult world. But on the other hand, I’m stuck having to embody wholesomeness or risk freaking a guy out, so I have to act shy and even repressed in many aspects of my persona. I’m really kind of sick of it. And I’m sick of worrying that who I really am behind closed doors will freak out the guys who can’t handle what they thought they wanted. I’m not sure if my recent rampage is a cry for help or just me getting really tired of being stuck with this image that I feel pressured to maintain.

I think I’m starting to adapt to this virgin/whore conflict that guys project and it’s splitting me down the middle. There are the things you do with the boys that are the nice respectable boyfriend types, and then the things you do with the ones who you don’t care what they think the morning after. But I’m done, man. I can’t do this anymore. Guys–just accept that you’re a freakin’ lucky guy if you can get a girl who’s both sides of the virgin/whore coin. Don’t force her to pick. Then let her rock your world.

“I’ve been working on this girl…she just had her eggs harvested so we can finally have sex.”

They say that sarcasm is a defensive mechanism. Those gifted at comedy not only feel as though they are outsiders (just like the objective dramatists), but by feeling non-assimilated, they convert their repressed anger into a passive-agressive attack against anything that represents this excluding collective. For example, some comedians are outright angry (Denis Leary). But his humor comes from how witty he can form these insults and ridicule the things he doesn’t agree with. Ellen DeGeneres has a very self-effacing, passive style. I would bet money she has struggled with low self-esteem and as someone who has quite a lot of strength (and desire for control) she makes fun of her flaws first before the perceived hostile environment can. Ray Romano bases his comedy on observations about his personal, domestic life. Perhaps this is not the type of humor he communicated at the beginning of his career, but at this stage in his life, it has evolved to this. Watching the way a person’s comedic style and content evolve can tell you a lot about how the person has evolved psychologically/spiritually. He portrays himself as someone who is helpless to the elements of the domestic world, playing a somewhat passive role as the elements impose on him. In real life, Romano probably plays the dominant role in the household and marriage, yet his need for independence and his fear that he will not get it causes him to be detached in certain areas in his life. This detachment allows him to observe elements in his life in a way that gives him better perspective, and his need to passively conquer this source of his fear causes him to ridicule it.

I have a deep respect for people and life. This respect is founded upon a higher spiritual love of everything, at the very core level, even if ego-wise, I may not “like” everything. Everything comes from the same place, the same beginning, the same fiber and therefore, each person and thing is as much related to you as your own physical attributes.

In particular, with the people I meet, it’s not hard for me to have an instant, strong connection with them. This connection is founded on that deep respect. But I don’t like commitment, or commitment in the sense of overall expectations.

For example, I love nature. I love flowers. But I’m not a big proponent of cut flowers. When someone gives me flowers, I greatly appreciate the thought. But if you think about it, when you walk into a garden, you can appreciate the beauty of these flowers in their natural environment as they grow and thrive. When someone cuts flowers, they are trying to take this beauty and own it, by bringing it into their own environment. And this beauty becomes ephemeral once disconnected from its life source and soon dies. Why would you do that? Why does this need to own this beauty supercede your respect for its being and its needs to exist in its optimal state?

The same thing goes with people. If they can thrive being with you, that’s awesome. But I don’t want to own anyone. I don’t want them to feel committed to me because of social expectations so that they are soon cut off from their life force and the truth of who they are and their journey. Admittedly, I don’t want a guy who dates other people and disrespects me.

But if you’re honest about things and at the core, there exists this connection based on this respect, then regardless of where life takes you, you know that you will be doing what’s best for yourself and that person will be doing what’s best for himself and because these two things are also good for the other person, you will both thrive in this garden. Commitment is so often about ownership. About hording so you “have.” But you can “have” without hording and it’s longer-lived.

I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve dated. And that’s not because I knew it was bad and shouldn’t. It’s because, when I decided to enter into a relationship with certain expectations, I knew that this was a place that I would be able to thrive, as would he, not because I wanted to own him or because he owned me. Commitment should be about both people wanting to be with each other, to walk a certain part of life’s journey together, and not thinking about all this other stuff that really clouds issues and causes so much interference between two people.

So no, I don’t like commitment. But when I find people that I respect, I will respect that connection and the other person’s welfare and in a way, I end up being committed based on the power of that respect.

So I thought of some other bears that might be good teaching models for him:

1. Be prepared to flirt a lot and imperatively, find a way to slip in the word “anal.”

Jake’s Failproof Guide to Ending Any Job Interview*:

1. Always end the interview with, “So if this doesn’t work out, how about you , me and little sandwich action?”

Last night I went out with the girls for the first time since I became a hermit because of my crazy work schedule. Since I’m the only one who’s single and the other girls are in really serious relationships, I decided that this night had to be crazy…Julia kind of crazy. So I told them that we all had to come up with porn names and introduce ourselves as such. So Sarita was Anita Wang (this is the name of a woman that my mom actually works with! She works with Harry Tang), Rebecca was Connie Lingos and I was Cherry Cummings. I ditched my Halloween alias of Taloofa Shihshihsteinberg Jankins because I didn’t think I could get any play introducing myself as Taloofa, no matter how well I can grind on the dance floor. So we went over to Red Rock and had a pretty fun time. I had a fairly creative pick-up line ready and the deal was that the girls could pick the guy I would use it on, but he had to be HOT because I guaranteed them that it would work and I didn’t want some creepy ugly guy stalking me all night. But I never got to use it because I met a pretty cool guy and we ended up spending most the night together. He was a good enough sport when he found out about our names thing that he said he’d go by Dixon Cox. That earned points with me. I love good sports. And he was a Virgo. Which earned even more points with me. Those who know will know why.

I’d like to go out dancing sometime. Maybe next weekend? Just with the girls because I love feeling the rhythm of the music course through me, and just moving with it, and not having to think about anything else. I’ve never really gone dancing out here in LA, and I never date guys who want to go dancing. So while I’m currently happily single, that’s definitely in my game plan.

My amazing baby brother turns 20 today!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN! You are a blessing to the world.

[neurotic indicator #1]

So I end up getting there early ane while sitting in my car waiting, I’m wondering why he asked me to meet downstairs…is it because he knows I won’t go up there so he’s being nice by coming down instead to make it easier for me? Or is it because he doesn’t want me to go up there, worried that I’ll go in and disrupt the workplace with my hair-pulling and eye-gouging? Or is it because he doesn’t trust me to mail back my materials? Or maybe it’s because he wants to make out with me and this is his last chance, which I would kind of dig because I kind of find him attractive. But that last thought weirds me out because…it’s just weird (but hmmm…I can’t stop thinking about it now…)

So George comes down and says, “You look…happy” as I get my materials out of my car. I tell him, “Yeah, but I really miss this job a lot.” And I mean it. And I look up and he’s talking, kind of rambling/mumbling something about it being a crazy week and everything is doing great, just great, and how they have a lot of great kids and great parents, in fact I talked to one today, and yeah…we have some great parents and great kids. Now I’m uncomfortable.

[neurotic indicator #2]
I wonder, what the hell was that????? Why’s he getting all weird like this? All I said was that I missed the job and…what does that have to do with the company having great parents and kids and him in fact talking to one today? Is he agreeing that I should miss the job because they’ve got great parents and kids? Or is he saying, if you are telling me you miss this job because you want to come back, then I know you want that and fuck you because you can’t have it back so I’ll avoid the topic. (?) And now I notice that he’s not really making eye contact and his eyes are red, and I’m wondering if he’s under a lot of stress, really tired, or if his eyes are watering up the way Mike’s used to when he would run into me. Which kind of makes me feel good as much as it scares me. Because I cry inside a lot when I think about leaving this job. Regardless, there’s something about his eyes. Something about his eyes is haunted tonight. Maybe things aren’t going so well for him, whatever that may be. I feel a twinge of concern.

So he asks me how my job is and I tell him it’s okay, and can’t really come up with an answer, but now I notice that when he’s got me stumbling for the “appropriate answer,” he can make eye contact because I’m busy avoiding eye contact. And that’s the way I remember him. So I tell him that I like it, and that my boss and I sometimes butt heads. I felt weird for saying that, like, I may as well have said, car alarms are really sensitive because…where the hell did that come from? But I think I said it to let him know that in that place in my heart reserved for the love-you-like-my-favorite-mentor category, he’s got that spot.

I offer to walk him to the front of the building. And he tells me about an instructor who needs to take a leave of absence for a while since his brother was just in a car accident. I ask him about this instructor, and when I asked him, “How’s his brother doing?” He said that they had talked to him a few times and he said that it was pretty serious. But they didn’t really want to pry.

[Neurotic Indicator #3]

This one is a mental aside. I started thinking, why wouldn’t they ask? Okay, I know it’s about respecting privacy. But is it because they don’t want to get involved and get too close to this person? They don’t want to make this relationship too personal? I would have asked. I would have asked some questions just in case the person needed to talk. And I would have extended the offer of let me know if there’s anything I can do, and I would have meant it. Am I too engaged in other people’s business? Do I need to butt out? Or am I blowing all of this out of proportion? But this hits a nerve because I always felt like there was this clique of all the people who worked in the office, and all the instructors were on the outside, and they were so elitist about us and couldn’t even think of us as people. We were just people who came in to do our jobs, and that’s it. They don’t want to know about you as people. Fucking cliques. They really are so fucking elitist in that office. ANYWAY.

So George suddenly walks away and goes through the doorway, saying, “Well, if it’s not one thing then it’s another. Thanks for these.” I’m kind of surprised and just say, “See you later, man” and turn. And leave. That was really abrupt. And it didn’t make me feel good.

uh oh…door just opened…

So is George the one projecting the weird vibe of the company or is it Mike? Someone is screwing the dynamic and it’s one of the men. The one who has major issues with women. The one who is emotionally blocked, emotionally unavailable. The one who is misogynistic. The one who creates competition. The one who has control issues and needs to create an Inside/Outside dichotomy so that he can can feel like he’s on the Inside, because there’s the presence of an Outside. The one who completely avoids his emotions. The one who is terrified of anyone getting close to him. Somebody is hurting from abandonment. It could be both of them now that I’m looking closer because they are overlapping. Like goes to like and each is playing a side of the dynamic even though they experienced similar pain. That’s why they need each other. They will play this out. They need to examine their similarities and then they will understand their pain. What about George’s mother? (maternal figure) Something weird. This man keeps a lot of secrets. Has general anxiety about going home. He needs this you know. His company. He exerts as much control as possible over his company, his accomplishments, because this is what he built himself. This is where his sense of worth is based. This is where the ego is attached. How tightly he grabs the reins and exerts a need for control over the company is in direct relation to how little control he has over other aspects of his life. He doesn’t like this situation. It makes him feel helpless. And it makes him angry. When he goes home, he doesn’t always talk about the things on his mind. Not everything just rolls off his back like people think. There’s a lot of pent-up feeling. And he just makes himself forget. This man is deeper than even he wants to realize. Colors…black/red at the core (black means no one has seen it and red for color. That represents high energy for me. Martian energy so it’s the intense kind). That’s pretty deep. It’s possible that no one has even been allowed to see that far into him. This means it is very hard to catch him off guard so that he drops his mask. But if someone could make him do that, they’ll see. And it might be good for him. May not be possible in this life.

Um, okay, I didn’t need all that information. What the hell? I’m not passing that on because people think I’m weird enough.