*****Updated******

My ESPN Draft Picks Entry:

Team Gonads and Strife

Updated

1st – Orlando Dwight Howard, GA HS Sr. PF
2nd – Charlotte Emeka Okafor, UConn Jr. PF
3rd – Chicago Andre Iguodala, Ariz. SG/SF
4th – LA Clippers Shaun Livingston, IL HS Sr PG
5th – Dallas Andris Biedrins, Latvia PF/C
6th – Atlanta Devin Harris, Wisconsin Jr. PG
7th – Chicago Luke Jackson, Oregon Sr. SG/SF
8th – Toronto Luol Deng, Duke Fr. SF
9th – Philadelphia Ben Gordon, UConn PG
10th – Cleveland Josh Childress, Stanford Jr. SG/SF
11th – Golden State Jameer Nelson, St Joe’s SR. PG
12th – Seattle Kirk Snyder, Nevada Jr. SG
13th – Portland Josh Smith, GA HS Sr. SF
14th – Utah Sergei Monya, Russia SG

This is what I’d like to see from the Golden State Warriors:

1. Package Nick Van Exel and Jrich to get rid of Van Exel’s salary.
2. Sign Mehmet Okur. They could really use him.
3. Clear cap space so we can make a play for Yao next year. Yao wants to come to the bay area.
4. Trade their #11 Draft Pick in this year’s draft. It’s a weak draft. Better to go for a future lottery pick in a deeper draft while using this pick as bait for enabling the above.

Scenarios
NVE makes 12M with 2 years left. J-Rich makes 3.5M with 2 years left.

1. NVE/JR (+filler) to Memphis for Pau Gasol/Bonzi Wells. Bonzi’s 8M comes off the books after next season. Mike Dunleavy Jr. gets displaced but he can play 4 positions. GS will probably have to give up draft picks as well.
2. NVE/JR (+filler) to Dallas for Antoine Walker/Tony Delk. Antoine’s 14M comes off books next year, and Delk returns to the Warriors as a shoot first point guard.
3. NVE/JR to Portland for Theo Ratliff, Qyntel Woods, Dan Dickau + Future First Rounders. Theo’s 10M comes off books next year, Qyntel could develop, Dickau sits the bench.

These are all financial scenarios. The Warriors have GOT to get rid of Van Exel, even if it means giving up Richardson, to pave the way to signing Yao and/or Nash.

But then again, the owner of this hopeless franchise is hella cheap.

Hump Day Means Office Productivity Day

jckurily: what other bad movies did we see
Me: i don’t know about bad but we saw red dragon (where you threatened to punch me in the head)
jckurily: in the face, julia.. not the head
Me: that’s right, in the face
Me: i’ll remember your fist when i try not to get scared watching gothika
jckurily: trust me, you wont get scared from gothika
jckurily: you will laugh and hate yourself for renting it
Me: self-loathing…the best kind of effect from a video rental
jckurily: it is… thats my motto
Me: if it doesn’t make me want to kill myself from disgust, then it’s not worth renting
jckurily: they have a whole section dedicated to that area
Me: like next to Special Interest and Academy Awards?
jckurily: exactly… but you have to show a special card in order to rent these movies
Me: you mean your anti-depressant prescription
jckurily: or a used condom
Me: if you have a used condom, you don’t need self-loathing videos cuz you’re getting some
jckurily: unless, you were so desperate, you pretend to get a used condom because you really cant get any so you need to get these videos to fill the void
Me: whoa
Me: we’re theorizing about someone bringing a used condom to hollywood video
Me: that’s funny, because i was seriously thinking about the psychological elements of what you just said
jckurily: and what is that?
Me: that someone must be real fucked up in the head to fake a used condom to take out a video. :-)
Me: not considering the fact we’re probably real messed up for theorizing about a world where one must present a used condom to take out a video that is recommended to having the effect of making one want to kill himself
jckurily: or people who talk about people who theorize about people who would go to HV with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
jckurily: or people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who passively sit by and encourage people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
jckurily: or people who unjustly accuse that a person is passively sitting by and encouraging people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who never explained the dangers of prejudice and ignorance to people who unjustly accuse that a person is passively sitting by and encouraging people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad.

jckurily: have you seen my baseball?

My Picks for the Upcoming Bobcats Expansion Draft

Jahidi White
Jason Kapono
Aleksander Pavlovic
Tamar Slay
Malik Rose
Marcus Fizer
Antoine Walker (I think they’ll take him off Cuban’s hands but they’ll want Jamison, a hometown boy, in exchange for whatever draft picks they receive from other trades.)
Primoz Brezec
Richie Frahm
Ervin Johnson
Jamal Sampson
Gerald Wallace
Desmond Ferguson
Juan Dixon

I would have thought they would want Dooling on the Clippers, but seeing as they’ve worked out a deal, I’m wondering if the Bobcats agreed not to take Dooling.

My Cousin Is a Freak!

You guys can check out her blog but DO NOT COMMENT ON IT! I don’t want her led back to mine…I’d like to keep SOME secrets.

A viet sandwich? Girl, I’m gonna slap you upside your senseless head.

Who Wants to Buy Me This?

Weekend Recap

Friday night, Jake, Brian and I watched Mystic River instead of my choice, Dodgeball. My brain has low standards as to what it deems stimulating. It’s an AWESOME movie, made me cry in secret, and rekindled my fire about someday working with young people in regards to abuse. Jake helped me set up my free ESPN
tv and it’s awesome.
We hooked up my X-Box which had previously been gathering dust in the living room and had a field day on Saturday playing games and watching DVDs. In the afternoon, my favorite cousin Bohr called to say he was in town and I met his girlfriend, Jenny, who is freakin adorable (pictures to come). They both went to U. of Illinois and she’s from Chicago, but my mom’s company offered her a job so if she takes it, she’ll stay in the bay area with him. I really hope she stays. I’d love to be related to her. ;)

History about my relationship with Bohr:

He’s the oldest of three brothers with a strict genius dad and an overbearing super soccer mom. So he always got straight-A’s, took college math classes in high school, played musical instruments, etc. Well, his senior year of high school, he stopped getting those A’s and I guess, spent a lot of time hanging out with kids that liked cars or something. I could never quite figure out why his mom thought those kids were “bad” kids, but she insisted that he was falling into a bad crowd. Like coming home at 9pm instead of 8pm. So she would call me up at like 5am Michigan time to tell me about her worries about Bohr going bad and I would always groggily insist that he’s a ridiculously good kid and someday, I may be forced to buy him a hooker, he was so good (I didn’t say the last part outloud). Finally, she asked if she could send him out to spend his spring break with me at Michigan so I could “set him straight.” I agreed cuz he’s a cool guy. And I thought it was hilarious that she was sending him to the worst possible person for the setting-of-straight process.

So my innocent little cousin shows up and my setting-straight activities include:

-smoking “God’s natural goods” out of a homemade gravity bong made out of gatorade bottles
-mixing Atomic Queers (also called the Date Rape Drink. My signature drink…”so fruity it’s queer!”), blending margaritas, buying him $2 Boone’s
-drinking blue milk (I was going through my food coloring phase.)
-having him PA a film shoot in which we had a bearded classmate play “Peeping Tom Jesus” who also smoked from a bong and drank a 40.

….all the while, telling him, “Don’t do drugs, drink responsibly and don’t join a gang.”

It was a blast. And now, our tradition is that every time we see each other, we buy a couple of 40s and tip one for our homies. He’s a great kid and funny as hell. He brings out the craziest in me.

So I took them to a bonfire at Dockweiler with the U-M crowd, where we roasted hot dogs, drank and listened to Max’s pedophile jokes.

I took them to Toast on Sunday for brunch and then over to 3rd Street Promenade to be touristy. We met up with his girlfriend’s brother who’s in the Air Force, and the quietest Gemini I’ve ever met. I would love it if Jenny stays in California. I hope they visit more now that Bohr is done with college and working up north.

Since getting the tv set up in my room, I’ve fallen asleep to American Psycho (on Saturday) and Monster (last night). Nothing like the sounds of serial killing to lull you to sleep.

Monster gave me a nightmare about dating Ben Affleck. Yes, it’s a nightmare. I find him utterly unattractive and really trashy. But in my dream, I had worked with him a long time and didn’t realize he was Ben Affleck so it wasn’t so bad, though when I realized, I had to do some soul-searching to remember that he was the same nice guy I worked with, and not a sleazy walking ego. Though I had hinted to him that I like, “intelligent, nice guys,” and remember thinking, “Oh God, I hope he doesn’t think this is a hint that I want to be set up with Matt Damon.”

I’m in the process of putting up all of my birthday pictures on my website. It’s tedious but I’m going to devote most of tonight to it, so they should all be up by tomorrow.

That’s all.

“Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is…The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds.”

~ Dan Millman, 21st century philosopher
from The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

[today’s quote as emailed from www.zaadz.com; i didn’t really like the book but i liked this quote]

Reason #4928 Why I’m Going to Hell

At brunch last weekend, Candice brings one of those free postcards that they have by the bathrooms to the table. It says, “WORK IT” and Candice says, “I’m gonna put this on my fridge to remind me to work out.” And I said, “Well, the picture on MY fridge reminds me to…not…be…retarded.” (see picture below). I think I heard the fires of hell sizzling as I reluctantly finished my quip.

In our defense, this was an actual ad for pajamas in a Sunday’s Mervyn’s catalog.

Random Quote Taken Out of Context

Lauren: Are you talking about the time when I had to wear a helmet?
Martin: What?
Lauren: Julia made me put on a helmet and slide down her hall. While she videotaped.

Coffee Bean Guy: A Proper Ending to an Imaginary Saga

So I haven’t been in the Coffee Bean at my usual morning time for over a month because I’ve been going to the gym at the crack of dawn and going to work 1 1/2 hours early. Regardless, I’d already gotten pretty bored of the situation and plus, he’s kind of creepy and I don’t want to chance him actually wanting to connect with me.

So my coworker Avi and I went to pick up lunch for the office today. Driving back, we were on the residential street next to our building and I was telling Avi how eclectic houses on a single LA street can be. I pointed to a rundown house and said, “Like that one…,” pointed at a huge, white house with pillars, “…next to that one.” He said (re: the big house), “That’s a rehab house.” I said, “What?” and looked at it, just as Coffee Bean Guy walks out the front door.

I started cracking up because when Sarita and I were bored and theorizing about him over IM one day, she had suggested, “What if he’s in AA and the reason you always see him talking to people at Coffee Bean is because they’re meetings with his sponsers?” That was so random and out of the blue that we started cracking up. But when I saw him at the rehab house, I started laughing because I would have never guessed how close Sarita was to the truth. Major props to Sarita. She IS a genius.

Anyway, God bless LA. Don’t take candy from strangers.

I talked to my brother yesterday and he asked if he could visit me on his summer break. I said okay. He asked if he could book his ticket now and I said sure. So I guess he did and he emailed me his itinerary and he’s booked a stay for 20 days. 20 DAYS!!! His entire break! So I’m flipping because I was thinking, you know, like a week-long visit. So I wrote him this email in jest. His hilarious response follows:

Dear Michael,
I noticed that you plan to stay for 20 days with me. Since that is such a
long time, this trip will not count as a vacation for you. Therefore, here
are my terms:

1. You will get a job. I don’t care what kind of job. You have to find a job
while you’re here. And a real job, too. Not a job where I have to pay you.
Because you will be taking out my garbage for free.

2. I get 50 percent of your paycheck from this job which counts as your rent
and food charges. And anything else I have to pay for, I will create a bill
which you will have to pay within a week’s time of the purchase. This
includes clothes, movie tickets, keychains and airplanes.

3. You will clean my house and make my bed every day.

4. If I want a foot massage, you have to do it. I will pay you: 50 cents for
30 minutes. 75 cents for 1 hour. 1 dollar if you give me a massage and feed
me at the same time.

5. You will go to the gym with me 5 days a week. If you burn more than 400
calories on a cardio machine, I will buy you a jamba juice. If I burn more
calories than you, you will wash my car.

6. You will treat me to dinner once a week. And don’t tell me you don’t have
enough cash. I will take you to an ATM.

Okay?

Thank you,
Julia S.

***********************************************************

JULIA

THNAK YOU FOR THE E-MAIL. I WILL DO ALL THESE CHORES. IF I DO A GOOD JOB, MAY I HAVE SOME FUN PLEASE? OK.

MICHAEL

Ben Wallace – Part Deux

Ben Wallace had another strong showing in the game last night and I would like to expound some more about why Big Ben is so impressive to watch.

Big Ben is well known not only for his massive size and for his skilled use of his body, but also for his boundless energy and incredible stamina. Even though some critics say that he often has trouble finding the hole with his shot, he has the ability to quickly get up again and again and again until he succeeds in scoring. The greatest issue is that Big Ben rushes his shot and shoots too hard, but with more practice, Big Ben will develop a natural intuition that will allow him to not attack the hole so aggressively, but with a much softer touch. He’s very good about muscling into position and using his strong lower body and nimble hands to put himself in an ideal situation to get off a solid shot or to finish if someone else is not able to complete. Excellent on both ends, Big Ben has caused many to be subjected to his trademark no-holds-barred facials. If you’re trying to get off a shot and look up to find Big Ben coming down on you, you’d better watch out! Known for his dominant presence, Big Ben doesn’t like other people getting off shots in his house. He is a man amongst boys and I’m sure everyone in the league would agree, “Big Ben is a true stud who can bang down low on both ends all night.”

My cute mom and the flowers I got her for my birthday.

97 Seconds – Expert Level. This is how exciting my workday was.

This just in…

I had my birthday dinner at Houston’s with my father who was here for the mediation regarding the condo. He told me that Michael got him a father’s day present, and the card said, “You’re the #11 best dad in the world.” I’m sure it’s a typo, but I’m curious as to who the top 10 are.

The rest of the story: So my dad puts the card on his nightstand and jokes to Michael, “So I’m the number 11th best dad, huh?” And Michael just laughed and looked kind of embarrassed. That night, my dad went to bed and found that Michael had crossed out the second “1” to make it “#1 best dad.”

Michael sent me flowers and a Britney Spears CD for my birthday (which I giggled about for a while). The card?

“Julia P. S***. Happy 26th Birthday.”

Thank you, Michael J. S***.

Today is my favorite day of the year!

I woke up this morning and was still very, very intoxicated. I had a lot of alcohol yesterday and didn’t get sick so it was all still in my system today, but I have to say that I’m feeling surprisingly okay, though it took me until late afternoon to get anywhere near sober. But I felt good enough to think about wanting to go to the gym so this is a great day after. I learned two things last night. 1. I can hold my liquor. 2. I am never doing that again.

I hate drunk hos.

Thanks, everyone, for an awesome party last night! And thanks especially to Calvin for the…”show.” I saw hip gyrations and think my brain shortcircuited from pleasure overload, because that’s the fuzziest point of my memory.

We had 3 disposable cameras going around the party and I’m pretty terrified of what’s on them.

There was a rock in my purse this morning. I don’t know why there’s a rock in my purse.

Ryan hands me back my camera and says, “There are some strange pictures on it.” Okay. So ‘splain yourself. What the hell IS this????&