Echo

Someone told me, they’ve never seen a guy so unwilling to take a stand. Maybe he’s poised towards the cliff of one massive stand.

Or maybe he’ll really make himself bury it. He’s going to cry over me.

3 almonds. Half a cup of coffee. My day’s intake.

Can’t eat. Life intense. I’m handling it.

I always have a meltdown shortly before battle. It’s like athletes who throw up before a game.

Here it is. Next level shit.

Holy fuck what a day.

I was contemplating the ramifications of sending a text that said, one hug in greeting, optional hug at end of the night, no kissing.

As I was walking up, I put my shoulders back and remembered, I dictate this. No one’s touching me unless I say so. I remember Seattle. I remember, I got this.

And I did.

I don’t trust men who don’t ask follow up questions. It makes me think their interest isn’t in getting to know me.

I told him my time zone was off.

What time do you think it is?, he asked.

I felt for the numbers. 8:28 I said.

I think it’s 9 on the dot.

He checked his phone. It read 8:30.

Wow, that’s amazing, he said.

I could have sworn I saw what he’d borrowed from me in his hand. But when I asked him for it he said it was at home.

This isn’t the first time I feel he wasn’t honest. The first time was to explain why he declined an invitation to see me. This time, it was to ensure he would see me again.

So tired today. Exhausted.

Guys should know that if they give it up too early, a girl can lose interest, too.

My only rule is that you can only sit next to me on the team bus if I say it’s okay.

In response to a request I’d made, a business partner typos to his team, Can we make it happy?

I replied to all, Helo. Stop calling me an “it.” I’m a woman.

11:1:11 11:11

I owe a jar $.35. I have a date with Zynga. I am sending the boy to New York. I’m in love with a song.

A person can walk away from everything. Come back someone else.

Sleight of hand, rule of thumb. You’re always the difference between your sum.

“happy halloween, dude. Get it in.”

Msg from my formerly religious-right friend who became human again after he started smoking weed

He took a cake from me. Said these were his favorite. A year ago, I couldn’t even get him to take food from me in a dream.

At the potluck, he asked to sit next to me. He was on my right and Bill, the one he’s quietly and privately deemed his nemisis on the left. Twin Tauruses, born 6 days apart. Both married and to be married in the same location.

Can’t they see who brought them into orbit.

I was more comfortable talking with Bill. Found my arm draped over Bill’s chair, casually, the universal display of territorial ownership. Dropped my arm as soon I realized. Last thing I need is that caught on tape.

He told me my meatballs were the hit. Later, he told me he ate 7 of them. When he left, he thanked me for the cake and the meatballs.

1. You are just starting to understand how well-fed you would be with me.

2. Elvis has left the building.

3. Don’t worry. We’re still friends.

My coworker comes up to me while I’m sitting in the car. He’s got a plastic bowl of potato salad his mom made, and the sky is a rich, lazy blue around him.

He asks me all kinds of questions–where I live, what I do, if I still write.

“What about personal life. Are you seeing anyone?”

I stumble for an answer. Somewhere bouncing between no, kind of, I don’t know.

Why?, he asks.

People always move too fast with me. My insides don’t match my outsides, and people don’t always understand that or expect that. I move very slowly.

What’s slow for you, he asked.

I need to know you as a friend or have worked with you. Otherwise, it’s hard to get close.

Lesson one:

Use some of that 20/20 hindsight as foresight. Practice predictive foresight.

I quit caring.

Who’s the one who keeps control of time? I asked. And when the silent room echoed back, I realized it was me.

I’m gonna let the tiger out. And that tiger is gonna behave.

I’m not much of an active participator. It wears me out.