7/29 Update

Things have been so busy with work, the comedy show and the short film going on. On top of that, I’m working on branding our lemonade and starting up a concept restaurant so it seems like there hasn’t been a lot of downtime, yet sometimes I don’t feel like my life is really moving. Mostly, it’s the bank account that’s looking a bit stagnant–money comes in, but goes right back out.

Last weekend featured Muskrat’s wedding in Vegas. Due to the wonderful Mercury retrograde which [insert euphemism for “bangs like a screen door in a hurricane”] everyone so completely, I already had an astrological forewarning that travel would experience many delays and obstacles that weekend and it wouldn’t be a good day to travel. Nevertheless, our trip to Vegas began with a blow out fight, featured us turning around after getting an hour out of the city because Reggie had a short-notice audition, then missing everything but the tail-end of the bachelorette party.

The next day, we went to the wrong hotel for the pre-wedding party because I misread the invitation that I realized I had accidentally left back at the hotel once arriving at the wrong hotel.
Luckily, we made it for the last half hour that featured a running slide show showing multiple photos of me in junior high…with a perm.

Fucking A, Muskrat. That’s so damn cruel.

There was a monsoon or something that night that left trash strewn in the streets by morning by way of flooding. Muskrat decided to keep her wedding outdoors despite the rain, and it turned out quite romantic, with the warm rain and the tropical setting.

I got into a little thing with this white trash dude after the wedding, as he was standing in a doorway and his friend was holding the door. I said excuse me since we needed to get inside so his friend let’s go of the door and slams him. So this guy glares at me like I had hit him with the door and I said, “Hey, your friend hit you with the door, not me.” He starts talking to me like I had said something outrageous and we were going to throw down. Reggie tried to jump in but I told him to back off, because I wanted to fight him and if he wanted to fight a white trash guy, he had to find his own. So that guy kept glaring at us through the glass door and I thought it was so funny, for me to have to turn to Reggie and say, “Here, hold my skirt,” and get into a brawl with some guy after Sarah’s wedding.

Sarah and her new husband Jeff took off right after the wedding for their honeymoon in Utah. Yes, I said Utah.

We ate breakfast, watched Ron Burgandy: Anchorman at Reggie’s friend Marlon’s cellphone store, and then embarked in the traffic-filled 8 hour ride home.

The cool thing was that we stood out on the strip selling lemonade and bottled water, and sold all the lemonade we had brought out. We estimate we have to sell approximately 70 bottles of lemonade before we cover our costs for the bottles.

Rehearsals for the comedy show are going well. The show has been going on for a while but we’ve recently restructured it with my entrance into the venture, and decided to name the troupe. So everyone suggested names and it came down to being called Full Frontal or The Petting Zoo. Full Frontal had the best marketing value and was pretty much going to be our name…until we found out that some college troupe at Indiana U. has the same name. So we’re now the Petting Zoo. The show’s on Aug. 16th and 17th and should be fun if everyone can remember their lines. Our first dress rehearsal is on Sunday. If anyone works at Hickory Farms or has a friend that works at Hickory Farms, we need a donation of two large, MEATY summer sausages.

Merc Retrograde is kicking my ass. Today my brain felt like soup. I’m going to try to sell lemonade at the Mercedes Benz Cup tomorrow. Come on out and buy some. We’re trying to fund a $1.5 million movie with lemonade. We have to sell approximately 700,000 bottles. We have about 799,944 to go.

(please help)

and oh yeah. This lady’s babies are so ugly.

I’m leaving for Vegas in a few hours for my friend Muskrat’s wedding. I’ve never met her soon-to-be husband, but from everything she’s said about him, he sounds like a great guy. The earliest I can leave work is 2pm, and I need to get to Vegas by 7:30pm, to attend the bachelorette party held at Thunder from Down Under. Most people have been dubious about my ability to drive to Vegas in 5 1/2 hours, so I’m worried I won’t make it, especially after spending $50+ to buy a ticket. And also, I really don’t care for speedo’d gyrating men, no matter how thick their…accents.

The worst thing these days, has been not being able to blog about things daily. It’s an inhibition thing. Like today, I’m raging. I’m ridiculously pissed off. But I can’t go on a rant here for the sake of catharsis because I can’t hurt people’s feelings, should they happen to read my blog and recognize themselves. This blog used to be my greatest ally in helping me deal with life, both to vent and ponder, to pick at life’s little idiosyncrasies and feel more integrated because what I was outputting was so true to myself. And so I’ve been sitting here by myself in my office since 7am, wanting to talk about things to someone, anyone, but there’s no one on IM and there’s no one in the office and I can’t even fucking say the things I want to say on my own blog.

Perhaps it really is time for an address change.

Why can’t this Jerry Maguire kid close his mouth? (keep clicking NEXT)


An Empire Begins…

These times between when fantasy basketball ends and when it begins can always feel empty. At what time did I become an uber-nerd? It consumes me. And now the Lakers are trading Caron Butler and most likely Chucky Atkins for Kwame Brown. A Butler for Brown straight up trade already seems ridiculous since Butler may prove to be the best player in the long run out of the Shaq trade (Odom=underachiever), and now for Brown who can not function in the triangle offense and is a known headcase? I think Brown needs a different environment but I’m not sure the Lakers are it. I’m just glad he didn’t land on the Warriors. Butler will be moving to the SG position in Washington to replace Hughes. Whatever. While rumor has it Washington is sending Kwame to the Lakers and setting him up to fail. Again, yawn. I just don’t want the Lakers landing Garnett.

In other news, I woke up today in a bad mood and it continues. I would really like to be left alone for a while. At least being left alone to stew in my own headspace means more blogging.

UPDATE!!!!!!

Okay, finally, an update. I have to do this in 10 minutes so let’s see how fast I can type.

It’s been getting really hard to find time to blog since they are actually making me work at work these days, and I’ve been swamped getting this short film going while writing sketches for a sketch comedy show next month.

We all went to Vegas for the 4th weekend last weekend and Reggie had us hooked up by getting us on the list at Pure and his friend’s club Tangerine. We drove out on Saturday morning leaving at 5am. It was surprisingly not as painful as I thought it would be. We hit up the 3 Card Poker table at Treasure Island as soon as we got there, and despite the fact Reggie had been practicing 3 Card and was so excited, in his very first time ever playing the game, he lost $100 within 10 minutes. Fuck. I won almost $100 so it wasn’t so bad but he ended up sitting out most of the day because he had zero cash on him and a whole weekend left to go.

We met up with Amol, Annie, AD and Tyler at the Imperial Palace and split up to play other things. I’ve never been inside the IP because it’s one of the lower end casinoes on the strip, but what they had that was a trip was the Legends Pit where the dealers are all impersonators. Dolly Parton was awesome and “busted” enough for us to win a little. Jake the Blues Brother was a dick so we got up and left, though we came back when Ricky Martin and his huge nipples performed La Vida Loca. The sad thing was that I had left my camera in the car so I can’t show you guys these people. Ricky Martin had this see-through flamboyant red shirt that did little to hide his perky nipples. As Kate, the Hot Librarian said, “It’s like this casino is an accessory for those nipples.” The Rod Stewart impersonator was annoying as hell and freaky looking. He looked like a man trying to look like a drag queen trying to look like Rod Stewart. Tyler noted, “But isn’t that Rod Stewart?” Very good point.

After gambling all day, we headed out for pho for dinner, then to Pure in Caesar’s. I had heard from my coworker that Pure was one of the best dance clubs he’d ever been to, so we were psyched to get on the list, especially when we got there an hour before it opened to see a line of over 100 people already standing outside. The place was awesome, housing the famous Pussycat Dolls on the first floor. Upstairs was an outdoor lounge with an amazing view of the strip. The music was hip hop and decent, and the drinks were strong.

I wanted to see Reggie’s “game” so I told him to hit on someone so I could see his game. We agreed that we would each hit on someone, though his end goal was to dance with someone while mine was to get someone’s phone number. So he walked around looking for a girl while I followed him discretely. He chatted up this Asian girl and her friend and came back and said they said they would dance later. He said it was my turn and even though I didn’t fully think he achieved his goal. I looked around for someone but to be honest, there wasn’t really anyone interesting. I walked around for a bit until some Asian guy grabbed me and was giving me game. So I just chatted him up long enough to get to the numbers stage, telling him, “Hey, I’ve gotta find my friends but maybe we could all hang out later.” He tried to get my number but I didn’t want to give it out, so I just said I’d find him later.

We danced for a bit and walked around, though those two Asian girls kept stopping Reggie and talking to him. I would bolt whenever they did that so he could look single. I ended up bumping into my cousin Parkson who was there with some friends. I think he was afraid I’d get in the way of his game or something, because he disappeared soon after.

We headed to Tangerine after Pure where Reggie had gotten us table service. We lost half the group–only Reg, Sareet, Kate, AD and I left. We were the real troopers. Reggie’s friend Cooper hooked us up with a table in the VIP section with a bottle of Grey Goose, which was all it took to get Kate and Sareet dancing on a platform. Near the end of the night, we were ready to leave but AD convinced us to leave him there so he could try to get with this trashy looking girl with huge breasts. “I’m not a stripper, I’m a DANCER,” he quoted/declared, but I’m sure we would have both understood the context in which that statement makes sense if we hadn’t both been blasted.

The group woke up just before 10am the next day…I think most of us were still drunk.

The second day was interesting. 4 hours at the Bellagio buffet (2 1/2 hours spent in the line). We went back to the hotel and then I wanted to stop by the drugstore down the street to pick up flipflops before we headed over to meet the rest of the group at the Fremont Experience. While leaving the drugstore, this old black lady asks us for a ride to her hotel which was just up the street. It was probably only a 5-10 minute walk, but it was 110 degrees outside so it would have been a miserable walk. We had 5 people all together so we didn’t have room for her, but it didn’t feel right not to take her when it was so close. So we discussed it outside. Tyler voted not to take her. Kate threw in that it would be good karma to take her. We ended up leaving Kate, Sarita and Tyler at the store while we dropped her off. The only thing I was worried about was if it was a hustle and she was leading us into some dark alley to get robbed, so I asked her first, “Do you have any guns?” She laughed and it sounded sincere so we gave her a ride.

It turned out she was staying in the same hotel as us, in the room right below ours. She tried to give us $5 for taking her but we wouldn’t take it. I told her just to tell her friends back home in Michigan (yay!) that California people are really nice. We went back and picked up the grew, then headed out to old town Vegas.

We sat down at a $5 minimum 3 Card table and once again, Reggie was down. I hit 2 straights within 8 hands (odds are 6 to 1) so I was doing really well. Reggie went down $60 so he sat out. He decided to jump back in for one hand, and his timely entry led to me being dealt a straight flush, odds 40-1. Being $335 up, I left the table. Reggie had $30 and wanted to play craps. I decided to play the $35, figuring that if I lost it, I’d still be up $300. We rode some hot shooters, and then Reggie went crazy, shooting for over half an hour. He ended up turning $30 into $150 with me up about the same, so we decided to leave while we were up.

It wasn’t until we got home later that night that we realized…maybe it really was good karma at work. Because Tyler, who had been the only one who didn’t want to give the old lady a ride, had been up $240 dollars the day before, ended up losing it at the casino.

We went to dinner at the Star Trek Experience in the Hilton to celebrate Amol’s birthday, then headed back to Tangerine that night for more table service and to meet up with Alex and Sarah. It was Sarah’s birthday weekend so she was there with a group of girls, making Alex the big pimp. The night ended with a dance off between Alex and Reggie, where Alex made all us Asians proud because the boy can move like he’s black.

We left at 8am the next day. It was a crazy fun trip. But the crazy thing was what happened after we got back. We got in around 2pm, and had to be at Reggie’s manager’s house for a 4th of July bbq at 4. So we took a short nap then headed to the Valley for the bbq, only to show up to find it had been moved to the day before but no one had told us. So we chat with her family for a while then leave, only to find that we must have run over a nail on the way over because the tire is flat. So it takes us an hour to change the tire because the jack is broken and we have to borrow one from a neighbor. Keep in mind, neither of us have eaten since 8am that morning (McDonald’s) and it’s 5pm so we’re starving. Sometime while we’re changing the tire, I start getting really
nauseous but I attribute it to having not eaten in a while.

We finally get the tire fixed and hurry to grab dinner. We decide on Souplantation because I’m actually feeling sicker than I want to admit, and soup is the only thing I can think of being able to put in me. We show up and I have some chicken noodle soup but it wasn’t doing anything. I end up rushing home and spending the rest of the night and most of the next day throwing up everything I try to put in me. Must have been food poisoning from McDonald’s that morning.

It was weird how all these bad things happened after we got home, but I keep thinking of it like this–thank God our tire didn’t blow out or get flat between here and Vegas. Also, if the bbq had been on, we would have been there until the sun set and could have had to change the tire in the dark, so we’re lucky we didn’t have to do that. And lastly, it would have been horrible if I had started getting sick on the long drive home from Vegas, but luckily, it didn’t kick in until I was home. So overall, I’m really thankful.

So without further ado, some photos (click them to enlarge):


Alex loves Reggie.


Reggie gets his ass whupped.


We play the Star Trek crew’s stand-ins.


Tyler wonders what we’re looking at.


My brother’s such a good sport.


And so’s Reggie…