Wait a minute. Last March, I had the intuition that I would be meeting someone extraordinary in August, so I had to get myself to the right time and place to be ready for that. Then in September, saw that I wouldn’t have a partner until next August, yet March/April was lit up. That’s two years in a row that I got foresight involving March and August. Then going back another year, 2008. February 29, 2008–Leap Day. I walk away from my job of 4 1/2 years, leaving more money than I ever thought I would ever make on the table. It surprised a lot of people, inspired them even. My coworker told me I really surprised him. Then he said he loved me (he looked as surprised as I felt as soon as the words came out). Called me living inspiration. March was me traveling abroad alone for the first time, seeking…something. Also guided. Heavy time of synchronicity, feeling that I would know what I’m seeking when I find it, and when I found it, all that I had been writing about fell into place. August was me officially moving to Amsterdam. The August before (2007) was when I wanted to know if I could do to a room what I can do one-on-one. That was the month of the speech, when I realized the potential of my power. The significant time period before that was May. Breaking up with my best relationship yet because he wasn’t my guy, moving my blog to a private location to give me more freedom of speech. I always say that break-up was when I made a commitment to do what’s best for myself, rather than going along with what’s best for others, because what’s best for myself will allow me to be the best me for others. If this were a timeline of significant time periods, I would mark:
May 2007 – break up of a relationship that could have gone on forever, but shouldn’t; moved blog due to a threat from a reader
August 2007 – speech. Used words for power and transformation.
Feb 29th, 2008/March 2008 – quit job, met German (“Today is a beginning for me, an ending for you, on a day that doesn’t exist”), spontaneous trip to Europe alone. Amsterdam. Did I recognize him because I’d already been dreaming of him?
August 2008 – Big life decision. Moved to Amsterdam.
March 2009 – recovering from Amsterdam in Florida. Health scare with dad. We make peace. Dedication to what I want (only what’s mine). Projected August. There was someone there I needed to be ready for.
August 2009 – cruise. Ridiculous display of synchronicity, proof of magic. Commitment to intuition.
September 2009 – 9/9/9 arrived in Seattle. Surprise visitor. Inner and outer world heavily synched. Projection of March/April 2010 and August 2010.
March/April 2010 – ???
August 2010 – ???
Well, son. You’re just gonna have to dig a little deeper.
Curiosity is a hunger. Curiosity in a person who must see passions through to the end is consumption. It means not needing a rabbit to lead you down a hole. You’ll find it just as easily yourself, sleepwalking through a midnight wood.
If it was September that picked up March/April as being the next electric time, if you look at the post counts, September had been my highest in history, now second only to March. I’m looking for synchronicities between the words and context of all these months with abnormally high numbers. There’s something that connects them.
to know the greatest hero of our time was a woman? the cover-up of mankind is utterly scandalous.
i’m so into pumpkin seeds right now.
Just because you like one of my manifestations, doesn’t mean you should ignore the others.
Men never think about the situation. How their need for control is sometimes how they lose control. Baiting a woman with something she wants to get her to approach. And as soon as she agrees and takes it, if she’s self-aware, the man suddenly realizes–this is the only control he’s got with her. There is a man who will just deal with it, try to bridge a trust. The other man freaks out. He thinks he’d better control what little he has control over, and he more or less upsets the boat. He tries to put the thing she wants on his terms. He almost uses it like a dog treat. But the day he withholds what she wants in an outright coup to make her obey, he realizes very quickly, this ain’t no game. This thing is bigger than you, and now it’s pissed.
these people who claim to hunt dragons. be careful. they’re awed by you and fear you. this is man at his most irrational.
The hardest book I ever read while running was Crime & Punishment.
The most grueling was John Adams.
The most engrossing was Angels & Demons.
The ones that pushed me were Murakami’s.
By splitting focus into 1. Mental 2. Physical, I force myself to do both well, spreading then reintegrating my attention on a broader level. That’s probably a good clue regarding how I live on two levels simultaneously.
I ran hard today.
While reading a story in David Mitchell’s book, Ghostwritten, titled, “Holy Mountain.”
The last time someone recommended something titled “Holy Mountain,” it made me want to hurt that person.
I’m not a runner. It’s the mental focus that’s the hardest. But I ran 6 miles and I finished that fucking story.
It was about 70 years through the changing political face of China from the perspective of a woman who spends her life running a tea shop at the base of Holy Mountain. I ran and read that thing and never lost focus of either.
But I will admit I didn’t get much from that story, but I finished it. Only got to 6 miles because they were closing and I had to work out my shoulder before I left.
To be honest, I’ve never done more than 6 miles.
You know why I like Friday Night Lights so much? It’s a show about men. Becoming men, being men. And there’s no shortage of heart candy.
Kyle Chandler as Coach Taylor, to use an expression, fucks my shit up. I would go to battle for him.
Sooner or later, I need to hire a bodyguard.
There’s a part of me deep inside that wants what I want, when I want it, and will stop at no lengths to have it, should desire supersede restraint. It has taken me a long time to master restraint. It is not, nor will it ever be, one of my strengths. The best I can do is prevent the cultivation of desire, or to focus it in productive avenues. To be provoked feels exhilarating, terrifying and incredibly dangerous. I’m not sure I believe it’s a good thing. Sometimes in life, there are forces bigger than what people realize they can handle. Great power can both transform or destroy, sometimes simultaneously doing both. What’s light is not necessarily good, what’s dark is not necessarily bad. Does your curiosity supersede your judgment? Will my desire exceed my control?
Keep reaching for the goal, until you surprise yourself.
“We love…melancholy snipers.”
-Air
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Because I was hungry and you gave me a boost, I will find you the biggest apple in the tree.
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My capacity to listen to the same song for hours on end always astounds me.
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Ignore everything but the sound of my voice, it said, and trusting it, I handed over the reins to my hands.
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There is a place I have been, somewhere between waking and dream, where I feel closer to people than physically being with them.
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