status check:
sleep: +.5 to 1 hour a night
food: more fresh vegetables, more red meat, more whole dairy, more whole grains, less performance food (aka supplements, protein shakes)
exercise: 3x a week in gym (1.5 hour cardio only), about 3-5 miles walked a day.
ambition: + in creativity, – in monetary earnings. i make 50-70 euros a week on 12 hours of work and i’m happy.
creative output: + for inspiration, – for completion (no change from la). though sometimes when i write a story, it happens.
social experiments: + /- new characters & insight, more opportunities, higher risk, shorter leash.
relationship work: + overall, though – during times when old issues rear their ugly heads and reactive behavior must be reprogrammed. necessary but still a temporary blow to self-esteem and idealism.
sex: ++ the only constant.
friends: + only through work, all guys who know i’m in a relationship so nothing significant.
vices: no change. just space cakes. have gained more extensive knowledge of range of drugs and effects, though am still at same breadth of experience as when i came here. have not experimented with anything new, and do not appreciate the quality of my only supplement of interest, though ingestible goods are quite positive experiences. i hear cocaine is a bitch of a drug. if i tried it it would be out of spite.
psychic eye: ++ very strong. my only regret was not bringing my tarot cards. have a new deck of ibis tarot. it will take me much time to master as the aesthetic language is in egyptian symbols without the strong focus on astrology, which is the mystic language i am most fluent in. it focuses on consciousness, so while i haven’t had focus on it, i feel it will help me get in tune with a different level of dimension. people approach when i want them to approach, stay away when i want them to. i never have to chase interactions. they come to me.
impishness: +/- (inhibited). amsterdam is a small city where everyone knows each other, but it’s also filled with tourists who come and go. so either anything you do, people will find out about, or you get away scot free. have impulse to do things in the background of people’s photos, but have not yet. did get caught timing the guy with the hooker few weeks ago and that spread around the office quickly, so that has kept me in check to be aware of impulsive behavior for my own amusement.
restlessness: varies. it comes and goes. sometimes i want to fly, sometimes, i want to nest.
shadow: present. an adversary and ally.
consciousness: +/- in my better moments, i see that i am part of everything and everything a part of me, just as it is on the outside, just as it is on the inside. how i treat and receive the characters in my outer world directly correlates with the things i work on internally. to get inside someone else, only remember that they are part of you and thus, accessible, the way areas within yourself are accessible. the way you do it is with a promise of being completely respectful. and if they’re letting you use them to play out your internal drama, then you do your best to honor that gift.
overall wellness of being: body is taking the brunt of the damage. right knee clicks and mosquitos have launched late night ninja attacks on areas that are off-limits from the accord made between mosquitos and man dating thousands of years back (no biting on the face or bottom of the feet). headaches from stress twice last week. sudden lack of coordination or attention to physical tasks (drop a lot of things when focus shifts). but it’s still tight, still rises to the task of what i need of it each day. mental acumen strong, articulation flows unconsciously and am able to use words to get inside people seamlessly, though once in, my sudden self-awareness makes me bungle sometimes. psychic ability is very strong so am able to have multi-level conversations simultaneously while going through people’s inner thoughts, experiences and feelings. have found that while i can retrieve information, i often can’t decode it, sometimes until later, sometimes never–only that there’s something there and i’ve made a copy of it. relationships with others have been strong, magnetic and positive. no one gets defensive or weirded out when i pull things out of them. people are so open that i don’t think they notice or care. emotionally, have been on a roller coaster that seems influenced by the weather, seasons and lunar cycle. at first i theorized that i am perhaps susceptible but have never noticed since i’ve spent almost a decade in a place that’s perpetually sunny. upon closer inspection and observation, david seems highly influenced by the sign of cancer, his mother and the 4th house, i see that his emotional life and energy seem to follow the lunar cycle. new moons are great time for planting seeds and working things out, full moons are climactic and unpredictable. being close to bodies of water seem to also magnetize him, or if i focus on cancerian traits and output that energy into him. when emotionally, we hit the same frequency, both partners become magnetic, even when separated, affecting those around us positively and in out of the ordinary, even magical, ways. this output is very hard to maintain at this point which creates much frustration (on my part). sometimes i do get taken over by the shadow so everything comes out of the shadow and i am subverted, but afterwards is usually a learning, healing and dealing time. shadow has been destructive by nature, but not ultimately destructive for the sake of destruction. rather, for the sake of healing.