Echo

I want a t-shirt that says, “I’m telling you Officer, the hooker was already dead before I got here.”

It’s Monday and the show‘s tomorrow. This was my first time directing for the stage and I’m so nervous. We had our last rehearsal last night and the thing I’m worried about is the tech stuff, especially considering it’s still Mercury retrograde so the most random things could go wrong with equipment.

We ran our secret skit for the first time in front of the cast (it was a secret because there are only 2 cast members in it so we ran separate rehearsals from the main one) and the cast loved it. It’s about this crazy Eastern European lady who runs a video dating service, and what her idea of sexuality is. Things went really well outside of the fact that Reggie and I had had a fight the day before so due to our not talking to each other, quintessential show things were left at our respective homes and I had to leave rehearsal for an hour to retrieve them.

The weird thing about going from film to stage is that with film, if someone doesn’t do something exactly right, you can keep trying until they do. They only have to do something right once. But with stage, you can have people doing things really well 100 times in a row, but come show night in front of a live audience, they could forget all their lines. Or we could have some sort of wardrobe malfunction, such as what happened last week when this guy playing an old lady had his “bosom” drop to his stomach so all of a sudden, he looked like a pregnant old lady.

Overall, I just hope it’s a good show. I have so much pride and I really hope people walk away liking the show. I know the material is good and the cast is very talented; our rehearsals have been strong and people who sit in on them have said that it’s hilarious. But it really all comes down to luck after that…that nothing bizarre happens.

I had to buy gym shoes yesterday, but what started as a quick trip to a shoe store ended up with me coming home with fishing equipment. We headed over to the Santa Monica Pier because we only had about 3 hours of sunlight left and it’s the only place close by where you can fish without a permit. Now, I’ve never seen anyone catch anything off the pier, even though there are always a hell of a lot of people with poles out there. It took almost an hour to get the pole strung up and for me to learn how to cast (I kept unlocking the thing and letting it unravel on the ground), not to mention trying to get a raw mussel on the hook for bait. I don’t know what I was more afraid of…the raw mussel or getting impaled by the hook (been scared of fishing hooks ever since seeing Something About Mary). Finally, we got everything set up and embarked on our fishing experience, only to pack up an hour and a half later as the sun was going down and our cooler was empty. Truthfully, in the entire time we were there, I didn’t see a single person catch anything, which makes me think that this whole fishing off the pier thing is a coverup, that maybe all those people with poles are really disguised drug dealers and the undercover cops who love them.

So the moral of this story is, stay away from people who fish off piers. They’re probably packing heat.

It’s Not Prostitution

8/11 Update

This Mercury Retrograde period has been awful. Gathering evidence from friends around me, we’ve got 2 lost wallets, 2 broken down cars, 3 computers/laptops gone into cardiac arrests for no apparent reason. Our phones at work have been sporadically deciding not to work the last week, causing an inability to hang up on phone calls, and then an inability to pick up on calls. People have shown up to the wrong places for meetings, transcribed the wrong addresses and phone numbers, and we’re hitting a record high for returned merchandise due to mechanical failure. Mix in the arguments over miscommunications and the last two weeks have been hell. The good news is it ends next week. I figure, if we can put together this comedy show during a retrograde, future shows will be a piece of cake.

Things that excite me this week:

We have FDA compliant labels coming in next week for the lemonade. We already have some coffee chains and small markets interested in carrying the product, so once we get our labels in, we may have our lemonade in local stores as early as in two weeks.

I went to Best Buy and looked at the 60″ Sony LCD TV. I’m determined to have it in my living room by the first week of September.

I’ve finalized the deal with a restaurant consultant to begin the business plan for my restaurant idea. He’ll have it done within a week or two.

My home computer which was decimated by a virus is very close to being fixed.

The Surreal Life. Omarosa and Janice Dickinson battling to be top bitch? Balki trying to get with Janice?? Janice pulling out a vibrator because Jose Canseco won’t give her any play??? Good God, why didn’t I discover this show sooner…

Hu Szechuan in Culver City on National. The Orange Chicken.

*****

I found this story very moving and I’m glad people are supporting her. Bush is such a fuckhead.

Crazy T-shirt site

This shirt is SO wrong.

Things everyone needs to know.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

Ready or not, the comedy show is going live next Tuesday and Wednesday.

Frequently Asked Question:

Will there be a baby with a big dong?

Answer:

Yes. There will be a baby with a big dong. A very big dong, indeed.*

*now try yelling that really fast 50 times in a row at the top of your lungs while spinning around in the middle of traffic as you try not to spill your liter of Peach Schnapps and the fat white cop with the bushy moustache just stands there, tapping his toe, contemplating whether he should take you downtown or just barter a warning for a blowjob. Anyway, I digress.

Yesterday I was driving to rehearsals in rush hour. We finally found the 18 inch summer sausage we needed and I was given the task of bringing it to the theater. I couldn’t stop holding it because it was just absolutely, grotesquely monstrous. As I was stopped in traffic, I saw an Asian guy in a suit talking intensely into his cellphone headset, serious business stuff. I contemplated smiling at him until I got his attention, then waving my big beef stick at him. I felt like that would have given him one hell of a bizarre story to take home.

Link to the show and Paypal for tickets:

http://tuesdaynightlive.blogspot.com/

Our website isn’t up yet because we’re going through a change in management.

Last night was my mom’s birthday. Rie was in town as well so we all went to Mix for dinner then to Zanzibar for dancing. Quote of the night:

“Julia! Don’t skeet skeet your mother.”

-Reggie

I’m leaving for Vegas in a few hours for my friend Muskrat’s wedding. I’ve never met her soon-to-be husband, but from everything she’s said about him, he sounds like a great guy. The earliest I can leave work is 2pm, and I need to get to Vegas by 7:30pm, to attend the bachelorette party held at Thunder from Down Under. Most people have been dubious about my ability to drive to Vegas in 5 1/2 hours, so I’m worried I won’t make it, especially after spending $50+ to buy a ticket. And also, I really don’t care for speedo’d gyrating men, no matter how thick their…accents.

The worst thing these days, has been not being able to blog about things daily. It’s an inhibition thing. Like today, I’m raging. I’m ridiculously pissed off. But I can’t go on a rant here for the sake of catharsis because I can’t hurt people’s feelings, should they happen to read my blog and recognize themselves. This blog used to be my greatest ally in helping me deal with life, both to vent and ponder, to pick at life’s little idiosyncrasies and feel more integrated because what I was outputting was so true to myself. And so I’ve been sitting here by myself in my office since 7am, wanting to talk about things to someone, anyone, but there’s no one on IM and there’s no one in the office and I can’t even fucking say the things I want to say on my own blog.

Perhaps it really is time for an address change.

Why can’t this Jerry Maguire kid close his mouth? (keep clicking NEXT)

An Empire Begins…

Alex loves Reggie.

Reggie gets his ass whupped.

We play the Star Trek crew’s stand-ins.

Tyler wonders what we’re looking at.

My brother’s such a good sport.

And so’s Reggie…

From someone’s sig file on www.warriorsworld.net:

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle
to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political
stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next
generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re
actually being screwed.

*****

The Warriors draft Ike Diogu with the #9 pick. I can live with that. I hoped for Warrick but Ike is fine. I hate Monta and Chris Taft though. Taft’s a lazy fuck but deep in the 2nd round isn’t a bad price. He seems like the second coming of Dampier’s attitude though.

Ah, sometimes who you are can be a mystery even to yourself. I write stream of consciousness in a notebook every day, in hopes that one day, a me from the future who is wiser and more knowledgeable will analyze the clues I leave and tell me who I am.

I had forgotten about having created a site with the transcribed version of these entries; I kept the site as an electronic backup for my notebooks. I just remembered it today, even though I was a little nervous about not being able to remember its address.

I’ve been writing less on this blog due to probably a need to weed its readership down to a more intimate crowd. I miss the days of being able to write very vunerable, personal, pathetic, sad, angry, cruel, insane expressions of myself. But honestly, I have no problem with sharing these things with people I trust and care about. I mean, hey, it’s life, right? We’re all scared.