Why You Never Use The Men’s Room No Matter How Empty the Building Looks
So this happened a few weeks ago but I’ve finally had the chance to talk about it.
It was about 7:30pm and I had to run back to the office to pick-up a book I’d forgotten. I’d been at the Starbuck’s down the street doing some writing, and as you all know, coffee has a filling effect on your bladder. So I go to the office, wait the 10 minutes it takes for our elevator to decide to do its only salaried task, and get to the 3rd floor when I realize: 1. I really have to pee badly; 2. Standing in front of the elevator, I’m exactly at the halfway point between my office and the bathrooms; 3. To use the ladies’ room, I will have to go to my office, figure out which unlabeled key on my keychain is the key to the office, unlock the door and grab the bathroom key before heading all the way to the exact opposite end of the building to get to the ladies’ room; 4. I can minimize the amount of walking distance, time and probability that I will wet my pants if I just go to the men’s room which remains unlocked at all times (the building is not as afraid of liability from a man getting raped in an office bathroom).
So being the lazy, lacking-in-bladder-control, always-waiting-until-the-last-moment person I am, I decide that since it’s 7:30 at night and there’s clearly no one else in the building except for the cleaning guys who are on the first floor, I’ll just use the men’s room. I’ll be in and out in 1 minute, no sweat.
As expected, the door is unlocked and the room is empty. There are two urinals along the wall on the right as you enter, and a single stall tucked in around the corner to the left. Since I have not yet mastered the art of peeing standing up the way some men have mastered the art of peeing sitting down, I use the stall. I do my business very quickly and everything is fine, but just as I’ve finished putting on my belt, I hear someone come in. I freeze, clearly realizing my demise of being trapped in a bathroom. I hear the man walk around the corner and then curse under his breath. I presume that he had probably entered the bathroom planning to take a dump, but then was irritated by the fact that someone was already inside the lone stall.
I figured that if I didn’t come out and he really had to go, he would probably head downstairs to one of the bathrooms on the other floors. I make a lot of noise playing with the toilet paper dispenser like I’m in no hurry to come out, and finally I hear the door open and close. I wait for a few seconds. Blissful silence.
Jubilated, I come rushing out of the stall, only to turn the corner and find that–not only has that man not left, but there are now TWO men standing in front of the urinals right next to the door to freedom, spread-eagled, weiners in hand, getting ready to take simultaneous pisses. I freeze, calculating my chances of getting out of here without a mess of embarassment, and realize that their backs are to me and they are busy trying not to acknowledge each other, so I still could conceivably slip out the door as long as both of their heads were staring straight ahead at the tiled wall.
So I quietly and stealthily move towards the door and even get as far as having my hand on the handle, but as soon as I turn it, the damn thing squeaks and the man closest to the door turns around and looks at me.
“Uh………………sorry?” is all I manage to mumble as I streak out the door and run the whole way across the building and into my office. I wait there for about 20 minutes, trying to figure out what would be the “right” time to come out in which I would be able to not run into these guys again and even worse, get stuck riding the elevator down with them. I’ve worked late on many occasions and I’ve never seen anyone else on my floor at that hour, and I’ve never used the men’s room no matter how badly I’ve had to go when our office restroom key goes missing, and of all nights, I get caught by not one, but TWO men in the men’s room.
So finally I venture out, sneaking down the stairwell to the floor below, call the elevator and hide behind a pillar until the elevator comes and I can ensure that it’s empty, then take it down and run out of the building.
While this, unfortunately, isn’t the first time I’ve (accidentally) walked into a populated men’s room, usually I walk in through the entrance, realize my mistake and quickly hurry back out. It just seemed more embarassing this time because these guys (especially the first guy) had obviously been in there for a while, and all of a sudden, I come out from INSIDE the bathroom, while they’ve basically got their manhoods exposed. I wonder if it feels like as much of a violation as it would if a girl were say, sitting in a stall with her pants down and a guy came bursting in.
Regardless, I hope those guys can’t tell Asian girls apart and won’t recognize me. There’s another Asian girl who works in the building. Maybe I’m lucky and they think it’s her.