There’s this girl I used to work with who was like my doppelganger. I didn’t think she looked that much like me because I thought her face was really crude, and something about her energy was very manic and uneven. She had issues with her Asian-ness. She was in a band and was covered in tattoos, and she projected this persona that was hyper-sexual and domineering as well as a “true” persona that was intelligent and prudent. She did have a lot of power over men.
I say she was my doppelganger, because I showed my brother a picture of her once, and he thought it was me (I was kind of insulted because like I said, there was something very crude and cruel about her energy and her face that I would hope I don’t carry), and also, the guy I was dating left me for her, and wanted me to keep our previous relationship a secret (he was a dick so they really deserved each other).
Well, I always knew she was gunning to seduce him. We were the only Asian girls in the office so we would chat in Chinese and she would ask me about him. I realized at some point that she was asking me very pointed questions, and that’s when I knew that something had already started between the two…she was trying to figure out what was going on between him and I. I knew it was happening but I didn’t say anything or confront him. I wanted to see how it played out. Even after he broke up with me because “you’re the kind of girl a guy marries, and I don’t know if I ever want to get married” (haha, please), she would keep trying to figure out what was going on in my life romantically, which made me think he wasn’t making her feel very secure either (like I said, the guy’s a jerk).
Well, I knew it was her for sure because one night, I had a dream where I called him and she answered the phone, even though I had never seen them together in my waking life. But one day, we hung out and he was telling me how much he missed having intelligent conversations. But then the conversation turned (I can’t remember how), and he blurts out that he doesn’t want to get back together because he’s seeing someone. So I laugh and say, “Is it []” and he freaks out. He used to always freak out when I pulled seemingly psychic crap on him. Well, of course it was her. And later, he wanted me to keep it quiet that we had ever dated cuz this guy has a history of dating girls in our office. I ended up quitting because I just want to go to work to work, not be involved in drama with stupid people.
Anyway, so I had this dream last night. I was in med school and it had just started so I was really excited and proud of myself. I was there with my new friends, including this guy that I had briefly dated a couple months ago and still have some lingering feelings for. So I ran into her and it was friendly, like she knew what she had done and I knew what she had done, but we chalked it up to us having gotten involved with a shitty dude. So I invited her out with us and she was really relieved and said how she was really excited to be able to go out and not have to wear name brands (I guess she was working in retail and she was happy to be able to dress closer to her personality).
So we’re all riding in this van and we go to pick her up and she’s dressed up the way she dresses, real hip and punk. The guy I liked was sitting in the front seat, and I was really happy because he and I had just started dating and were in the phase of being excited about each other (though a part of me remembered that things had gotten broken down in the past). It was like we were in this new place and excited, though it was still a precarious connection. So she gets in and she sees him. We’re driving along and she whispers, hey I know that guy. We met a few years ago at a concert and dated for a bit, and I totally fucked him a few times.
Oh man.
See, in real life, we had never slept together, and it wasn’t from lack of desire on my end. But to hear that this girl who had already lured away someone I had dated, had also had a history with someone I was currently into, and had not only fucked him but currently, appeared interested in getting something started with him again…it was like my insides collapsed.
When I woke up, I was very, very sad. I just felt like this girl, this dark, stormy hyper-sexed persona, steals everything that I cherish, and at the end of the day, the people I want will always want her more.
I know this is an easy dream to analyze. I am resisting being that person, my dark side who knows how to use her power to get what she wants, my Scorpio energy.