(“TV’s Best and Worst Boyfriends” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4193247/)
Here’s an excerpt cappin’ on Ted Danson’s character on Cheers, who’s an anti-commitment freak:
Romance has its ups and downs, but it is a rare young girl who lolls about her bedroom, listening to music and dreaming of the day that someone will come along who will grudgingly tolerate her.
This reminds me….
I once had a guy tell me (among other really selfish, self-absorbed things):
I don’t ever want to get married. But I know that I’ll have to some day because that wouldn’t be fair to my kids.
Okay, buddy. But you’ve got to find someone with low enough self-esteem to marry you first.
Oh my God! I still giggle sometimes when I think about the absurdity of that statement. I mean, doesn’t every girl dream of having a guy who will put down the remote long enough to take his hand off his balls and out of his sweatpants, look her lovingly in the breasts and profess his delusional self-centeredness? I thought it only happened in fairy tales!
Okay, first of all, Mr. I’m-Every-Naive-Girl’s-Dream-Guy-In-My-Tiny-Delusional-Head, you’re not all that. You’re a sad, little, transparent boy who missed the bus to Manhood. You’re not developed enough to think outside of your own skin. And when scientists finally discover the center of the universe, don’t be shocked when you find out that you aren’t it. You ARE all that to those girls who are so fucked up they’ll do anything to find someone who will keep fucking them up because they can’t value themselves otherwise, but in Grown Up Reality, you’re nothing. You don’t even register on the radar of people who have real thoughts and direction when they pass you on the street. And the day you get your head out of your own asshole, you’ll realize that 1. You’re a profoundly selfish coward who has no sense of reality or of how to interact with people like a normal human being; 2. You are going to have a long, productive life self-inducing your own misery and happily going out of your way to destroy anyone who tries to get close to you; and 3. You may be able to fake being something you’re not for a while, but you have my word…no sophisticated, self-respecting girl will ever have anything to do with you.
So you were right…I was completely wrong about you. But you managed to pull the wool over my eyes for a while, and for that, I applaud you and say, “Good game.”
Good luck finding the mother of your children.