so i met with the realtor today and the offer is getting sent over tomorrow.
they say the saddest thing is to not be prepared when opportunity knocks, or to lose it with hesitation. i can say that this time last week, i had no idea i would be attempting to pick up another property this week, but then, i know that’s not true. i’m always looking at listings, keeping my ear to the ground, but it’s really been about when the right property jumps at you, the way your eye catches and fixates on a stranger across the room. there’s a reason. i think people connect to objects and places the same way they connect to people–they’re all manifestations of the path. you remember them from your future. and when you stumble upon them, you act so that you never wonder, what if.
i like the realtor a lot. i tested him a bit the way i usually do with people so i can figure out who they are, and he struck me as smart, honest and having integrity, so i respect him. he’s young and married so i’m very aware of being respectful of things outside of a professional relationship, but i can’t help but laugh at how nervous and awkward we both get when we’re in an elevator alone together, not knowing where to put our eyes. i think it’s just one of those things about men and women. even if there aren’t intentions or desires, you’re always just aware that you’re a man (or woman), and the other person is a woman (or man). it’s just that primal tension. i think my reaction to that perceived tension with my guy friends is that i’m compelled to make sure they don’t really know where i come from about sex or how i see men/relationships. i hit both ends of the spectrum with effective results, from brian confiding to colin that he wonders if i’m a virgin to people really thinking i rack up multiple one night stands a week and am on the constant hunt to instigate public orgies. but i think whichever way i go is compulsive to the exact moment of conversation, and even though i say things so definitively and know they have definitive results, they’re not necessarily true reflections. these statements or outlooks deflect perception of my real position, and perhaps it’s like setting off flares to serve as decoys for heat-seeking missiles. if i say certain things and later, people reflect these ideas back to me to show me this is what they’ve accepted and believe, it means they don’t really know me. by having this confirmed, i then determine if it’s because of me keeping them at a distance, or because they just don’t really get me, in which case, i have to be careful around them. i’m sure there are better ways of feeling people out to see if they’re trustworthy of the inner chambers of your being, but for now, that’s my best system of evaluation.
in regards to men being friends with women, this is one of the greatest modern debates, having reached a fevered pitch with when harry met sally. i think there’s room for a lot of different types of relationships in life, different types of output, different types of compartmentalization, but at the end of the day, i just hate tension in any way, shape or form. being friends with people from the opposite sex can be a difficult balancing act at times, has to be constantly reevaluated at others, and at the end of the day, there are so many ways to complicate things, and so many ways not to complicate things. if you just chill out and let things be, it can actually be quite pure and pleasant. i’ve had guys tell me before that no guy is friends with a girl without having at least considered what it would be like to have sex with her, and i think no girl is friends with a guy unless having at least wondered if this person could be a suitable partner for her.
at the end of the day, i always defer to the context of reality. where are two people in terms of who they are, where their lives are and what they’ve built upon the foundations of their lives, and just be respectful of that. if there’s more, you deal with it and maybe you can’t be friends. if there’s not, then…to be honest, i think it’s of immense benefit for a person to have friends of both the same and opposite sex. if life is really about a person’s journey to balancing their insides, their anima and their animus, then it requires the reflection of both masculine and feminine energy in order to define, expand and balance these inner energies. therefore, it’s really hard to reach inner balance if you don’t have outer balance with representation of the different energy types. i think our primal side does complicate things, but if you acknowledge (at least within yourself) when sexual tension is there and do your best to get the most out of human connection despite that, i think things are so much easier to handle than if you ignore or deny things. just because you refuse to admit something, doesn’t make it go away if it exists. the only control we have in life is how we conduct ourselves and how we choose to deal with things.