musical identity. highs and lows the sum of individual notes. i like to trick you, where the bigger picture doesn’t seem to be made up of the notes. and you have to decide, which do you believe.
it’s easy. i can be anything you want me to be. if i let you. and secretly, i usually do.
the biggest risk is that i disappear.
there’s a secret to that as well. the secret balance where i forget i can.
disappear. i was going to disappear today. but i didn’t. i like to talk while i drive. you’d be surprised by how many things i can do without really paying attention. or maybe you wouldn’t be. but if i’m asked for it with absolute honesty, there are things i give absolute attention.
call people up, grab them by the heart through the phone. words energies spaceless bodiless you bring their worlds inside you and you have the chance to understand. give them something, some light. accept when they give you light.
little boys who brood in the dark.
you all know who you are.
you’re like eyes of wolves pearing out from the edge of the woods. i see you.
i could be the best friend you ever had if you stand up and realize how to hug me. sometimes it’s the right things touching at the right moments. learn how to let go. make a decision to grow up.
then you can find out if what you saw was illusion or real.
everyone. within a moment. will think the same thought.
everyone, within a moment, will have their hearts seize up and feel the same emotion.
everyone, within a moment, will open their eyes and in an instant realize the truth of it.
it’s the ones who stay awake long enough to remember that moment who bear the secrets of the world.
my world is my primal companion. a kinship between a predator and a child left in the woods. i know it will never bite me as long as i believe it will never bite me. i’ve accepted it by giving in to it so in essence, i’ve crossed a barrier into the eyes of something completely primal.
a man and his meat. you don’t get between a man and his meat.
men don’t understand the meaning of everything. i think they do, but they’re afraid to.
i can go wherever i want.
don’t come at me the right way, i’ll bite you.
but outside of that, i’m highly trained.
i am 2 side today. 8 was a strong number. at times i had both side 1 and 2 using the same voice. today i was not paying full attention. today was a day where i was floating.
36 is my favorite here. 29 is my favorite there even though i always felt warmly towards 36 when i caught it. 63 is not the same thing as 36. it’s gotta be 36.
08-…-2008 22:02:28
it was important.
today i used a power saw. without safety goggles. cutting glass.
tomorrow i will be social and try not to be too weird. keep my honesty at bay. tell enough jokes so that people don’t notice. make food.
i’m relieved my little mormon is still here. i wish his people were kinder to everyone.
sleep. i should sleep right now. but i don’t want to miss out on the good stuff.
two worlds rotating in opposite directions
he would be better at it than me.
trust. i really don’t trust you until you answer all my questions.
there are always things in there that you don’t want to find. i don’t really want to find them either. but the problem is, these questions. they show up like packages on my doorstep that can’t be ignored.
darkness or light. darkness or light.
you can have either. but keep toying with me and you’re just going to get more than you can handle.
need someone higher than me to help me get perspective. that’s the real way to support me. not by bullying me when i’m trying to boost you up.
life could go either way.
i’m let down by the way people always make promises like dangling carrots. i’m a horse. i’ll always be seduced by carrots. sometimes it’s not fair that they keep me running this way. one day i’m just going to sit down and say fuck it. and when they ask me what’s wrong, i’m gonna say, i’m a fucking horse. i don’t need your fucking carrot. i can eat some damn grass if i want to. and i won’t even bother to watch them walk away.