i refer back to this quote:
why cry over a guy who makes you cry? if a guy makes you cry, he’s not worth crying over.
*****
it’s nothing but words. words and words and more words. they’re like greeting cards. generic little feel good blurbs, offers of hope that apply to anyone, that apply to no one. they’re said because you expect it’s what i want to hear but where’s the substance? i have a brain. i have eyes. i have heart. i can see if the words have nothing behind them. i know your history of actions. you’ll say anything when you’re scared to lose, but as soon as you have what you want, you sit in your corner and forget about any promises you ever made. didn’t think i noticed that, did you? maybe you didn’t either. you don’t want me. when it comes to what you want, your feelings and needs always come first. you don’t respect me. you are just too used to getting what you want from women. do you really think that’s love? sounds pretty spoiled to me.
words and words and more words. with no heart. no action. no future. no connection. no effort. a stew without meat. a hearth without fire. a life with no future. the fingers of a greedy man, a needy man, offering nothing in return. but crumbs. and his ocean of hurt that he wants you to fix for him…or else. his instant ability to change face and take away all warmth and punish you when you ask him to fulfill his lofty promises.
(you want to make god laugh? tell him your excuses)
don’t you know who you’re talking to? don’t you know who i am?
obviously not. because you offer illusions. dangling carrots of things that might be, could be, in some faraway place and future, never wanting to do the work to make them the way things are. just words and words and more words. lazy words that just don’t add up to anything honest.
sometimes a person only knows words, because he’s lost his sense of truth. open up, butterfly. anything short of a complete confession, you lose.
oh the lies. all the lies. those were a riot. i almost destroyed myself over how often i fell for the lies. how disappointed i was over your inability to take responsibility, to be strong and honest. stupid girl, always trusting. until i realized the door was open and i am free to walk out and not put up with this unworthy bullshit. to never look back. and then i remembered who i am. my strength. i remembered truth. i am beautiful for trusting. you are weak for lying.
what you did was wrong on so many levels. i don’t owe you anything. intimacy is not playing 20 questions to piece together the mystery of your partner, fearing the uncovering of more lies, the unveiling of a coward. there are enough amazing people in this world who want you to get to know the real them than to pull teeth with someone who doesn’t.
nothing but truth will touch me anymore. i won’t be tricked again. your words are empty boxes, gift wrapped with nothing inside. you’ll never catch me falling for empty promises again. i deserve better. i am better. i deserve people who love me in a way that is loving and positive, and not painful and destructive. it really is that simple. i will never get bullied or talked out of the happiness i know i deserve again.
as for you, figure it out or don’t. it never was my problem. i was nice enough to help, but it was never my problem. it was yours. i’m tired of going in circles because you love your words and excuses more than you love truth.