spilling the cup
i had actually written a post this week about something I had written a while back, but had saved it as a draft. but i got an email today that reminded me to post it again.
so last year was a pivotal year for me because i got out of the longest and most successful job i’d ever held. it was probably the most rewarding job in terms of giving me confidence and showing me that i can be successful in a business world, make a lot of money and be financially independent, but it was also like being in a bad marriage with a husband who lies all the time, takes you for granted and never respects you. the universe made it very hard for me, because suddenly, i was being offered more money than i ever thought i would make in my life, yet to take it, would tell my boss and the world that i can be compromised. that with enough money, i will sell my self-respect. so i walked away and never looked back.
it was probably the hardest, scariest decision i’ve had to make as an adult, but in the end, it was the most important decision. i showed myself i was willing to protect myself, stand up for myself and ultimately, trust myself as i walked into the unknown.
a few days ago, i was thinking about this whole journey of personal freedom that started last year, right around when i quit my job, and started rereading what i was writing at the time. i found this post, which i had written and liked so much, that i put it up on the wall next to me at work.
when i quit, i took everything down from the walls of my office, leaving only this, the final echo of an amazing being that they never knew, and would never get to know. here it is:
when in the present, withhold talking and perceive emotionally.
let the emotions experience life without the demands, critiques and dominance of the mind.
let the heart unfold the truth of every moment and interaction.
and if the truth is painful, take that energy back to your cave and turn it into poetry.
and if the truth is beautiful, take that fear back to your cave and turn it into poetry.
and one day when you are loaded to the brim with poetry, tense with trying to hold every drop without spilling over, let yourself topple the cup and empty yourself of everything.
and perhaps, with the mastery of this task, you will set yourself free.
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i am proud to look back and say, i faithfully followed my own advice.