took a walk in the light drizzle this afternoon, looking for the waterfall garden. feeling very present, strong, but dark. dark energy gives me the strongest light. while crossing the street, i passed a man. when our eyes connected, i acknowledged him and his jaw dropped in surprise.
i’ve learned there’s no point in analyzing it. i just accept it.
there was a city worker cleaning up a construction site. he looked like a sweet guy having a bad day. could feel all kinds of harmless little cuss words over his head. so when he looked over, i gave him a big warm smile like a hug to a friend. he broke out in a really big smile. i looked away and when i looked back, he was still smiling. i smiled and he gave me a nod like, ‘thank you.’ that felt good. probably for both of us.
i went to the garden. a homeless man in one corner, a couple of guys in deep conversation in the other. it’s really interesting there. it’s not peaceful exactly, because the sound of rushing water is pretty loud. but it is meditational, because you do need a lot of focus to block out the sound. the visual surroundings are beautiful. i tend to be someone who works best with moderately pleasant background noise. 
read a few more stories from fulghum. this lone, elderly japanese man walked by a few times, then found a seat on the level below, just in front of me. to be honest, if he had been interested in conversation, i would have been happy to talk to him.
it was beautiful because it was drizzling with a dramatic sky, but the garden felt so alive. if it weren’t cold as well, it could have been a park in taiwan or singapore. in the middle of a tropical rain storm. it was a lovely feeling of displacement, of being in overlapping points of time and space. consciously creating a memory in the present.
two different people asked me for directions. first, the place isn’t very big and it’s not very crowded, so i had no idea where these people were emerging from. but i guess i’m one of those people who seems like she would know, so i’m always being asked directions when i’m in a place i don’t know well. i actually knew the answers to both, so that made me happy. i love being helpful.
took a beautiful walk towards the tailor. the clouds were amazing. a man with a cane caught me looking up.
something’s brewing, he said. i turned and looked at him to see if he was reading the sky or me.
definitely, i said with an innocent smile.
in their eyes, i can always see the hounds coming. i put my headphone back in and caught the signal at the crosswalk in one quick stride. how’s he gonna catch me with a cane? i don’t talk to strangers. ;)
oh, i am unprepared for the cold here. it’s so cold here, it makes me want to put on a t-shirt and walk faster. i know, it doesn’t make sense but i’m a girl who loves simultaneous extremes. just look at my views on sex and love. what? you’re not sure of my views on sex and love? exactly my point. simultaneous contradictory extremes. you don’t know where i’m at. probably neither do i. but it doesn’t matter as long as it gets me closer to who i am. and as in all sciences and arts, life is born in the contradictions.
the run back with the dress was ridiculous. but even more ridiculous was i got 2 blocks away from home, suddenly had an impulse to test my luck, ran 2 blocks in the opposite direction to a bakery to get a tiny bite-sized coconut cream pie i’d read about then continued the 4 blocks home. i know. i left that part of the story out earlier. so sneaky, this one. those extra blocks were probably what allowed the water to soak me through my sweatshirt, through my shirt down into my bra. i don’t think i’ve ever been that wet without jumping into a body of water.
any other thoughts on the day…oh, rie forwarded a job opening for a graphic designing gig for a vibrator company. i told her she’d be perfect for it. that when i think of her, i think: 1. baby apparel (she’s working on a baby clothing line), 2. vibrators, 3. all things french. that if she could design a french vibrator in the shape of a cherubic baby (hey, they had a rubber duckie one on their website), she would be golden.
we’d talked a couple days ago about branding for her clothing line. she was saying she had looked around and the same type of stuff is out there. i told her what mattered was her vision, which would set her apart. so it didn’t matter if the item itself was out there–just like a pair of pants is a pair of pants, but some people pay thousands for designer brands. she has very unique artistic vision…i always think of her as my french japanese friend, because even though she’s japanese, i swear her spirit is french). that if she creates what she would personally like to see on the market, people will recognize it as very edgy and hip. anything unique and well-done is easy to brand as exclusive and premium.
her next email refers back to that conversation:
heehee. now this is the kind of concept that you would have totally came up with, seriously:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/02/12/LVG7HH2MJ11.DTL
So i’m sure somebody said, “well, there’re tons of vibrators out there”. But not the “right” kind, and this brand fills that niche.
i forgot to mention. where i see rie as my “french friend,” she sees me as her “super sexually liberal friend.” neither of us get why the other person thinks of us the way they do (we don’t see it ourselves!), but we just go with it.