I’ve realized that I have a speech impediment. I don’t seem to enunciate the tail end of my words very well sometimes. I normally don’t care because, hey, my first language was broken English. But it’s become a problem with the word, “Peanuts.”
For example:
I was on a road trip with two friends. We were in a gas station convenience store and out of sheer boredom, I pointed to a bag of circus peanuts and say, “Hey! Circus peanuts!” They both turn around like, “WHAT???” Like I had just said, “Corey Feldman is my Lord and Savior. And by the way, I too, suck dick for crack.” And I’m like, “circus peanuts.” Apparently, they and every one else in the vicinity had thought I said circus penis. Given that statement, I wonder what the hell they thought I was pointing at (hey look! A circus penis! It’s doing all kinds of jumps and tumbles in that guy’s pants!)
A few nights ago, I was telling Muskrat about what it means to have an allergy to peanuts and she thought I said, allergy to penis. Of course, several softball/lesbian jokes emerged and wackiness ensued. But seriously. There’s no way around that word because I can’t say it right.