A long time ago I dated a guy who took offense when I told him I don’t like to drink orange juice in the morning. I like orange juice but it can sometimes make me feel queasy if I drink it first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.
He said to me, but you’re lying. I’ve seen you drink orange juice in the morning, and the topic was something that he couldn’t wrap his head around and yet, he couldn’t let go of. I’m serious. He was really perturbed by it, like it was proof of something.
I couldn’t understand why he was so black-and-white and couldn’t understand that I could “not like to drink orange juice in the morning” and yet have been observed drinking orange juice in the morning. Both are true and can co-exist without me being a liar. Sometimes contradictions are incredibly truthful.
For example, I don’t like to drink orange juice in the morning.
But a stronger piece of coding in my brain, is that I shouldn’t waste food.
So if someone pours me orange juice in the morning, I will drink it so I don’t waste it, and also to be polite.
But then, I don’t like to waste food.
But when I’m nervous because I’m feeling shy, it’s hard for me to eat.
So sometimes I will waste food by not eating when I’m feeling shy.
I’m very shy.
But my mind is so hungry for information and understanding, that my curiosity makes me initiate open communication with people, and strive to make them feel comfortable so they will be open.
So even though I’m shy and often feeling anxiety inside when talking to people I don’t know really well, I will still be talkative and actively trying to engage.
I’m an incredibly sociable being that needs to interact with people.
But because interacting with people taxes my energy and focus, the more human interaction I have, the more space and time I need to myself to recharge and reflect.
So even if I can be the life of a party, I’m inherently an introverted, hermit type who’s usually found at home.
The thing I need most and crave most is a secure, home base.
And by having that, it gives me the freedom to feel emotionally safe to travel and explore.
I’m obsessed with being honest and tend to be very straightforward. But because I perceive truth as being so multidimensional, sometimes people perceive me as being abstract or cryptic when I’m at my most honest.
I don’t have an answer for any of this, only that it’s true. Brian always describes me as a human contradiction, two polar opposites that on any given day or time, is somewhere in the spectrum between the two. I just don’t like being called a liar, unless I’m actually not telling the truth.
But there are ways you can answer a question honestly without telling the truth.
The world and its meanings are very big to me. Easy to perceive, hard to understand.