We were walking along a street in Taiwan, window-shopping, helping my mom buy gifts for her coworkers. I was bored as hell so I started pretending that I had an invisible dog on a leash. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m Method with this stuff so in my mind, I really did have a golden retriever on a leash (even though I would have preferred a labrador, but you work with what you’re given). It was an inside joke between my brother and I, made funnier because it embarrassed my mom (she’s a great sport) and it confused the hell out of the people around us. My mom, who had gone into a store, waved at me and said she needed help. So I asked the owner, “Can dogs come in?” He said, “No.” So I tied the “leash” to a metal sign and left my “dog” sitting at the street corner. I said to Michael, “Make sure no one steals my dog.” I was joking. But he takes it REALLY seriously and stood at the door of the store, keeping an eye on my “dog.” Some guy stood right next to where my dog was and lit a cigarette and Michael comes running up to me and whispers, “That guy is smoking RIGHT NEXT TO your dog.” I laugh and say, “That’s okay.” So he goes back to standing by the door, staring at where my dog is and I’m at the counter helping my mom, when we suddenly hear Michael yell, quite ferociously, “WATCH OUT FOR MY SISTER’S DOG!”, scaring the fuck out of some extremely confused old lady who had unwittingly stepped into the space where my imaginary dog was sitting.
Michael Guarding My Imaginary Dog