Me: taking lives
Me: good theater movie because there are some scary moments in a dark theater but not a good movie
Me: though angelina is hot
jckurily: yes, she is
Me: and moved me a few more percentage points towards lesbianism
jckurily: nice…
Me: i want to be domestic with her
jckurily: thats always good to hear
Me: and run through fields of wheat
Me: in slow motion
jckurily: who doesnt
Me: we’ll bake cookies and get into a flour fight
Me: then we’ll collapse on the kitchen floor, exhausted, giggling
jckurily: go on
Me: i’ll notice that our clothes are covered with flour and dough so i take off her shirt
Me: and she takes off mine
Me: WAIT A MINUTE!
Me: this is supposed to be an innocent fantasy
Me: about domestic life with angelina jolie
jckurily: thats what they all say
Me: so we’d take off each other’s shirts and throw them into the laundry, but i would make sure that I select the “small” setting so that we conserve water. at this point, maddox has shit himself so she has to change him, except that we’re out of baby powder
Me: she gets hysterical saying that she has to have some, but i say, just don’t use it, we’ll get it later, and she’s crying and screaming at me for being callous and I say, there are cookies in the oven, i’m not running out to the store which is a 20 minute drive away
Me: and now she’s curled up on the bed, rocking herself and moaning, and maddox is in his play pen, naked from the bottom down, wailing, and I feel that red rage boiling up within me so I’ve gotta get out of the house
Me: i drive down to the 7-11 which is closer than the store but they don’t have baby powder, but by then, i’m feeling passive aggressive and don’t want to get the powder anyway because deep down, i know she loves that baby more than she loves me, so instead, i buy a pint of the cheapest whiskey they’ve got and sit in my car, drinking it while listening to the classic rock station
Me: they play don’t fear the reaper which is OUR song, but at this moment it only makes me hate her more, because I’ve drank the entire pint and I’m 10 days off of antidepressants anyway, and so all I can think about is her and that damn baby, crying into each other’s arms, maddox probably having shit all over himself because i know angie won’t put on that diaper until she has the powder
Me: and that’s when i decide, i can’t take this anymore
jckurily: what happened to the taking off shirt part
jckurily: and getting wet and wild
Me: reality, baby. reality happened