Confessions of an Unmotivated Voyeur
The potluck at our place was on Saturday night, and we had about 20 people and a hell of a lot of good food. I made broiled jerk chicken drumsticks and gyoza (Japanese pot stickers), as well as an assortment of improvised shots and blended drinks after dinner. We played a game of Mafia in which Alex and I, as mafia, won, and by early morning, everyone was pretty much passed out. We heard shouting from across the street so AD and I ran out to the front balcony. What is it about possibly witnessing a fight that gets people so morbidly excited? It was the two B-school guys who live across the street, their windows directly across from mine. They were in the street and one guy was storming around the corner while the other guy said, “I’m gonna beat your ass as soon as I pay for the taxi.” He spent about 10 minutes paying the cab driver before getting in his car and speeding off, swerving down our street, generously using both lanes. The asshole was totally drunk driving. Meanwhile, the other guy went upstairs and in his drunken state, neglected to close his curtains. Mind you, I parade around my place in my underwear near compulsively, not to mention the infamous spider incident* so as much as they’ve seen me, I’ve never seen them in any compromising states.
*I had just gotten out of the shower one afternoon when I found a big spider in the middle of the living room. I’m talkin’ big, black and thick, about the sprawl of a half-dollar. I am intensely arachnophobic, so after screaming like someone just shoved a fire engine up my ass, I got a plastic cup and put it over the spider, slid a postcard underneath it and went running and screaming towards the front balcony, losing my towel in the process. I fling the cup, postcard and everything that is evil over the side, but as I look down, the cup and spider gracefully falling down three floors, I see some chick walking on the sidewalk just below my balcony.
So to recap, from the neighbors’ point of view: This crazy chick comes running out of her house naked, screaming, and throws a spider on someone’s head.
So the guy goes into his room and starts stumbling around stripping off his clothes. Keep in mind, I see him and his roommate coming home after playing soccer all the time, so the guy is pretty built. AD says, “This is AWESOME! It’s like Rear Window!” but I’m just wondering if he’s about to get naked in front of us. He gets down to his boxers before stumbling out of the room; we wait about 10 minutes but he doesn’t return. AD figures my neighbor’s taking a crap, so he sprawls out on my balcony floor and passes out. I realize that I don’t really want to see my neighbor naked, lose interest, and go to bed.