Here’s some insight into my process. I think of this world as being full of information. I can’t possibly take in all of the information, so I have to pick and choose what information to take in, and from that information, what information has meaning to me. I find that sometimes when I’m taking in information, it’s like being a caterpillar. I take in all this information from wherever I can, reading books and watching TV and movies nearly every waking hour. Some of it has no meaning, some of it has meaning that I understand later in hindsight, some of it sparks right away. What often happens is what random information I take in, has value later on in the future. The example I usually give of this phenomenon, is like one day, I’ll be sitting in a waiting room and randomly pick up a magazine and read an article about polar bears. Whatever. Two days later, I’m in a conversation, and someone mentions polar bears which I happen to know a lot about because I just read an article. I have good short term memory but this stuff that’s not important to me doesn’t stick, so if that conversation had happened say, a year from reading that article, I would know nothing about polar bears. As in general, I know nothing. But because I happened to read that article, I happened to have the exact tool I needed to look brilliant at that exact moment. I know the jig is now up. You are all realizing that this previously brilliant Asian girl you’ve adored is actually an idiot, but happens to have a really quirky sense of timing.
Okay, all that said, I want to review the place I’m at now, this juncture I seem to enjoy calling March/April. My first blog reference seems to be in November.
But I felt like I had pinpointed March/April even earlier than November. It had to have been September, because it was after the Mercury made its surprise visit, and then me looking out to see what was next, and feeling that I wouldn’t have a partner until at least August, and March/April being lit up (though I could never derive any clues as to why). Then I remember when Christian had given me the book, he had first inscribed the date as April, and quickly crossed it out saying, “I don’t know why I wrote April.” I remember it having quite a bit of meaning for me, but only commenting that April is supposed to be interesting, because his writing April had sparked my own recent mysterious fascination with March/April (will have to check my free-write notebook for that time period to see what else I was tossing around). It made me think that his writing April was a sign I shouldn’t read the book until at least March for the March/April period, which is why I waited the way I did. And the truth was, I wouldn’t have gotten as much out of it if I had read it then. And I was tempted to, but I never even opened it outside of reading the inscription. In December, I was again tempted but didn’t, and in January, I’d wanted to bring it with me to read while I recovered from surgery, and I still wanted to wait. At earliest, it really did have to be March for me to get as much out of it as I am.
So seeing that I was tuned into March/April in November enough to post about it, I went through the posts the day before and after (thank you, webmaster).
From the day of. Interesting song lyrics. Sounds like I was lonely that night.
From the day before. Two things that seem interesting to me. 1. The lone wolf post. 2. The song lyrics. Motifs that were touched upon this month.
Yet, I was pretty sure in September I would have no partner until at least through this August. I still feel that could be the case, but there’s something brewing in April.
For example, Who am I expecting to cross paths with again in April? I’m in Seattle all April, unless I can find a way to visit a missile silo. Which I still need to read about. But I seem to think it’s someone I know. Unless I’m talking to the mystic You, then who knows. It could be someone new who feels really familiar, the way these connections all start.
Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just go through the same themes and thoughts and songs and then every time they come around again, it reminds me of something when really, I’m just going in the same circles. I don’t know. But for some reason, everything that happened last fall (probably from the cruise, through moving to Seattle, through my progression through fall) was tied to this time period for some inexplicable (as of now) reason. Because I remembered when I looked out through time in September, I saw a challenging, gray period stretching until August (which is always red and therefore lit up), and March/April which showed up electric but without any other clues.
What does any of this mean?