i have to call jake back.
it makes me nervous.
i can’t remember the last time we’ve heard each other’s voice.
this is a weird story. my family and i were on the way to reno, and we stopped at some random gas station somewhere. i’m getting something to drink when this asian guy walks up to me and says my name. reno is connected to fremont and my childhood for me, and most asian people i know are through fremont, but this guy didn’t look familiar at all.
he said he was jake’s friend. that he’d even been to my parents house in fremont while jake was there, and we’d hung out. i seem to vaguely recall jake coming up with me once (or maybe twice?) for a weekend, but we were friends so i don’t know what the occasion was. i still must have looked really confused.
“you don’t remember?? you bought that little keg of Heineken and we were playing drinking games.”
that keg sounds familiar, but i still couldn’t remember anything. what was the occasion? who else was there?
“then we really wanted some weed so you got on craigslist and were trying to find some.”
what??? at my parents house???? this evening sounds highly unique. i really couldn’t understand how i couldn’t remember this at all.
“my name’s john??????”
fuck. “i’m such an asshole,” i apologize. “my memory’s really bad.”
except it’s not. the discovery of a missing file is always strange.
he was heading up to Tahoe with his family. i looked over and his parents were kind of staring at me in awe. i waved at them and they shyly waved back. i remember laughing to myself about how hard his mom was gonna grill him as soon as i left about who that girl was.
i told him it was great seeing him and to tell jake i said hi. not remembering him or the night shook me. i know this night existed but i can’t remember the night.
but jake’s like that. he’s a bit of a shadow figure. he shows up, and politely takes everything with him when he leaves. small footprint. but to what impact?
deep breath. collect. the scariest thing about talking to someone you haven’t spoken to in years is that initial feeling of time disassociation. who they were. is not necessarily who they are now. you have shared memories with this person, but you don’t necessarily know this person anymore. but if it’s not too different, the adjustment won’t be noticeable. keep it together, because you are not the same person you were before.