I have 2 more hours before I have to leave for the airport. Deep breath. This next will be big.
I just got back from PT. My commitment to showing them something was still valid. I knew I was going to be strong when I was talking to the assistant. She was talking to me and I was looking into her eyes. I felt myself open, to see so far inside her as to feel her, and as she talked, her pupils dilated. It felt nice.
Erin worked on my arm and like I had said, I’d prepared to really show her something. She’s not physically intuitive, but I was determined to trust her so I went into the tunnels, deep inside my shoulder where I echoed to my entire universe: Acceptance. This is what’s happening.
Pain is resistance. You can reduce pain by reducing resistance of what you can’t change.
She got my arm to go full range, even while digging into pressure points. I was in such a deep state that she was quiet as well, as though she didn’t want to break it. I felt her hands heating up. I looked up and saw her face was red. She was conducting my heat. When she was done she said I did really good. “It was like a whole different person.” I smile at her. That comment has so many levels of meaning for me.
The work I’ve been doing in PT, the mental preparation for physical dominion, is preparing me for what’s happening next. I have to be strong, maintain my foundation, keep mind above water. I think of the way that building by the shore held in that storm. The way I trusted the building around me, is the way I must trust myself. While the insides may shudder, the outside stands strong. The face doesn’t change. But everything inside, is a matter of good sense plus timing.