Nerd Alert!
Yes, I can’t live without being close to a computer. I was already feeling withdrawal last night, but this morning, my mom pulled out her laptop and I immediately commandeered it.
Hey, you remember that scene in So I Married an Axe Murderer?
Tony Giardino: Excuse me sir, I’m with the San Francisco police department, this is official police business. I would like to commandeer this vehicle!
Commandeered Driver: No.
Tony Giardino: What do you mean, “no”?
Commandeered Driver: I happen to know for a fact that you have no right to commandeer my vehicle.
Tony Giardino: Please, can I commandeer this vehicle?
Commandeered Driver: No.
Tony Giardino: You’re just not going to bend on this commandeering thing are you? Commandeered Driver: No.
I love this movie! One of my favorites. (Nerd Alert #2-I can’t help saying, “Excuse me, I thought you ordered the Large…” whenever I see anyone holding one of those big supersized horse tubs of sodas.)
Anyway, I digress. Here’s my Vegas update, written in my notebook at 5:20am this morning:
Vegas: Day One
So I’m scrawling this from the bathroom floor of our suite in the Venetian tonight. This room is bigger than my apartment! It’s pretty out of control.
Flying in, I started getting a heavy feeling of dread that only intensified upon landing. Walking around with my brother, I was feeling introspective and moody, remembering things from my time here years ago that I haven’t thought about in a long time. I think if you spend too much time in this town, it brings out the worst in you.
But I did remember some things from my research time here. Like, did you know that casino managers are superstitious and they purposely hire female Asian dealers because they’re killers? Never play cards against an Asian woman. They have some sort of lucky pull for bringing in money for the man.
Anyway, my parents got in a few hours after us so as soon as they came in, I handed over Michael and took off. My cousin Parkson was here, too, but I didn’t want to hang out with him and his basketball team (they’re all here for a tournament). They’re THOSE guys. The stupid frat boys with lame pickup lines who make a dramatic point out of sniffing up every hot girl’s skirt. He tried to get me to hang out with him (they were going to a Gentleman’s Club. Yeah. Sounds like a good time for me), but every time I do, I get really annoyed with them.
So I hit the tables to find people to chat with. I met some cheesy guy named Vince from Orange County at the craps table. He was standing next to me and I was shooting really well (shot for over half an hour. If I’m around, always put money on 9). He kept touching me every time I made him some money. And he was a “High Five!” guy. The worst kind of cheese. I decided to leave to go check out the hip hop club upstairs. I was hoping to do some quality people watching, but he followed me away from the table and wanted to come with me. I gave him bad directions, but he still found me. So being the way-too-polite person that I am, I let him drink with me, though I told him that I was attached so I wasn’t going to do anything with him. We had a few shots of Patron and danced. He kept kissing my neck and I was getting annoyed so I told him I was gay and that nothing was going to happen. I was being stubborn because I didn’t want to have to leave the club just because this guy wouldn’t take no for an answer. He STILL kept trying to talk me into being interested in him, so I got really irritated and told him firmly and repeatedly that he didn’t have any kind of chance with me. He got really pissed and stormed off.
Seeing that it was 4 in the morning, I headed back to my room, but thought I would grab some food first so that I wouldn’t have a wicked morning when I woke up. There was this couple in line in front of me, and the guy jokingly asked if I was interested in fooling around with his wife. I laughed and said that she was a very attractive woman but I wasn’t into that sort of thing. We all started chatting and it turned out that we were all from LA. We ended up eating together. Very nice people. He asked me if I smoked herb. I said, on occasion, and he said that he had half an 8th that they wouldn’t be able to take with them on the plane when they left tomorrow, so I could have it if I wanted it. I said sure, so we went back to their room and got it. They smoked out of a homemade apple bong as they told me about their two young children, which I thought was really ghetto but funny. I declined a hit, because I think I wanted the weed more as a tradeable commodity (you never know what happens in this town) than to smoke, and because I thought it was funny that some random strangers were giving me dirt weed. We all chatted for a bit and he asked me again if I was sure I wasn’t interested in his wife. I said no, but I told him that if they were interested in that kind of stuff, my coworker and his wife are swingers and there’s a club in LA that really caters to it. I gave them the link to the website and left.