I’m a great analyzer of patterns and trends. But its so much easier to see outcome and big picture if what you’re analyzing isn’t too close to you. In relationships I have always vacillated between enthusiasm and caution. Aka, sometimes I get gripped with fear and freak out, because my aim in life is to have goals without being attached to wanting. When I want something, it scares me. In this way, I always needed someone bigger, someone better at navigating emotions who could earn my trust and coax me out of my tangled fears. Fears start as potentials in the mind, but are realities if details enforce them on this plane. One day, I would like to find my fears to be just fears.
Looking at patterns, I can say, this kind of feels like this, or I’ve gone through that before. And the relationship failed. But are these signs of failed relationships, or the initial steps of all relationships, including one day, the one that will work? I’m getting closer to the things I want, that make me feel comfortable. New situations, new heights. But why is the fear the same?
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