I’m sitting here, watching the moon from the center of my home, the one place I used to go in the middle of the night when I needed to be out of the house. It’s just hours after being told I don’t have cancer. I’ve only let myself cry once in the last couple of days, haven’t wanted to scare my mom, but it was just a few tears, emotions flooding to the surface. On my way to the bank this morning, listening to the radio and under the milky way followed yellow, followed by that song by my chemical romance about the dying boy with cancer. The last couple of days I could feel my emotions underneath, but more than anything it made me feel I needed to get ready, that now’s the time to show how much I believe in what’s bigger than me. The thought of losing my mother hurts me more than the thought of my own leaving. That’s how strongly I believe in my purpose.
When my home became violently unlivable, I would come here. I would be safe at Clubsport. Even if it was closed, I would sit and listen to music in the parking lot. I would sleep parked behind a nearby motel, going to the club to shower before school early in the mornings. God, there were times I was filled with such bad feeling. But at least there was a place I could safely be alone.
This place can hurt me plenty, but it has always been there for me.
Despite predictions of rain, the sky is only poetically cloudy. The brightest full moon you could ever imagine. Listening to 90’s on radio. Glad to have found out 104.9 is still around, just switched to 92.3. Thanks god for that. So crafty, considering it’s the same number, just a more private frequency.
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