Sometimes people like us change size in our sleep. Remember what I said about my hands from my dream? I can do that with my hands. I’ve only been able to do it at night, alone. But on Monday night, I did it awake, with my mom sleeping next to me. My hands grew and touched the air and the world was as much between my hands as outside in the space I was sleeping in. And the more I could hold all of what was out there in my hands, the more the bigger me that I am only a part of woke up, realizing that the me in bed, was just the dream of a bigger me, as I was waking up. I even knew the room in which I was in, it has stairs going to an upstairs loft. I could almost pull myself into that world through giving it consciousness, but I wasn’t sure if I would have to let go of this world to commit to that world, or if it would mean me dying. I don’t want to lose this world yet. But being in that place reminded me that I’ve climbed to that level of awakedness before. That there are other levels around us that are just as real as this one that we like to return to.
Two things. My hands, on their own, were doing something above my body, manipulating energy. Also, my mind flooded with a chant- onya tancosah, tonsila tonsila. Even when I say those words today, they don’t have the magic. At that time, it was like a magnetic resonance within them, opening walls around me. I saw colors. And every time I made my hands bigger and I grasped the world around me with them, every time I felt myself rise higher as my body grew, my mom would gasp in her sleep. I saw my hands as big enough to hold the world as a ball. And my eyes were awake. I was both in this room, and beyond this world, huge. The next morning, Michael came out of his room with his necklace. “I don’t know what happened,” he said. “I woke up and the string got really long.”
He held it up-the string was frayed and stretched to the point it hadn’t broken, but it now hung down to his knees. Like he had grown huge briefly in his sleep.