My friend Jake and I are kindred spirits. We are both deeply kind, thoughtful and considerate people, and we both have interest and ability in analyzing and understanding human nature. And despite the reality of all we’ve seen, all we know, despite all of human and humanity’s flaws, we are still optimistic, kind and care deeply about people and mankind.
We can drift for years but any time one of us needs the other, usually for moral support, often in matters of the heart, we are there for each other. To provide perspective, to provide support. He is the model of male integrity for me, yet he and I have no romantic destiny. He waited a long time for me, but when we tried, a relationship that only lasted weeks, he was this smart, sensitive guy who suddenly made a lot of bad decisions. It was like he couldn’t handle it. But because we handled it honestly and maturely, we protected our respect for each other and it strengthened our bond.
Jake wrote me recently. We were talking about matters of the heart, how realistically, no one is perfect but it’s about how we fit each other. He talked about how he has a wall around him. “For instance, I know that my weakness is that I have a wall around me. Its something I built up in order to survive. I realize this and slowly trying to tear it down. I would want someone who will understand this and is patient with me. At the same time its my responsibility to let the person know of this part of me and that I am willing to work on it.” He has a wall and I have a maze. But we are both amazing people. Sometimes I think these defense mechanisms that help you survive, you do your best to be conscious and realize the areas where they no longer serve you, where they no longer benefit your life, if not clearly hindering it. You tear down what you don’t need, but sometimes the protection is there for a reason. Because I know I’m very careful about trust, sometimes I make myself tear down the wall to the point that I’m actually leaving myself too vulnerable and trusting with people who don’t know how to treat me and they intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. I think with the right people though, it’s something that happens naturally.
I know Jake trusts me. I’ve never had a problem with his wall, as I can see clearly who he is inside it, how valuable his heart and soul are, and so I never ask him to tear it down. He lets me in. And he’s always good about finding me in my maze. It’s almost like because his intentions ring true, he doesn’t even see the maze because to those who are trustworthy, the maze is only an illusion that traps people who don’t know how to understand me and take care of the valuable parts of me. I think we went through our short relationship trial just to clear the way for a friendship. Any woman would be lucky to have Jake as a partner–he puts his all into partnerships and treats people very well. But I hope he finds the woman who is the best thing to ever happen to him, because that’s what he deserves and can have. I’m very lucky to have him as a friend. I really believe there is an optimal place for each relationship, and our friendship, because we always respected our connection and each other to let it evolve to it’s natural place, is in a place where it’s a comfortable, safe and supportive thing that adds to both of our lives.