Don’t freak people out and they won’t freak out. I think that’s a good rule of thumb.
I was seeing things so clearly today, but sometimes you sacrifice some unclears in order to be clear.
I can’t tell if I desocialized myself in the last two years to detach from humans out of safety, or if my natural propensity to detach has only been perpetuating. I feel like I isolated a needy part of myself so far to the point it gave up, and now it just accepts what it’s given. And I think it got really comfortable with what’s been given.
Had a dream last night I was on the 3rd street promenade in santa monica. Except this was my home, a place I went and claimed often. I saw that there was a Halloween party in one of the spaces–it was one of those urban spaces where you’re not sure if it’s an art gallery, a place of meeting or a home. I walked in and there were a bunch of people doing some kind of food and wine sampling, so it was kind of like a class/dinner party experience. It seemed like a weekly meeting that had been going on for a while because the people were all friendly with each other, and it happened to be Halloween so a lot of them were wearing costumes. We sat down and ate and talked. A few of them seemed like powerful people, but they were so casually confident about their place in life. Near the end of the night, I caught myself talking to a couple. They were sitting across from each other, and the guy was one person over on my right. I’d been talking to them for a while when I realized, hey, it’s Bill and Hillary Clinton. Bill was especially cool. I wondered when it would be appropriate to ask if he smoked. I had a feeling he either did, or knew I could hook him up which is why he found me fascinating.
I was so shocked at the random experience I’d found myself in, that the next week, I invited my mother. Sure enough, with everyone out of make-up and costumes, it was Hillary and Bill, and a bunch of really wealthy and dignified people. We sat at this wooden table, discussing food and experiences, and Bill and I were so connected, but he was looking at me as much with fascination as with paternal pride, like I was something he liked but knew he shouldn’t touch, and he wondered what kind of boy it would take to make a girl like me happy.
Great boys choose great gemini’s. It’s why JFK loved Marilyn.
My cousin’s and I were talking about Edison at dinner as he played with a game on my phone. I asked them if they thought Edison and his brother would ever fight over a girl, and if so, who’d win. Ray thought Jonathan because “that kid’s mean. He’s an animal.” But Edison is devious. I thought about it. I think if Jonathan ever won, Edison would make sure he and the girl could never be together. My cousins wondered if he was old enough to calculate. I said, are you kidding me? That kid’s a super-villian in training.
The funny thing was, Edison had been deep in concentration playing the game, and it didn’t seem he even noticed we were talking. But right after I said he was a super-villian in training, he suddenly acknowledged he was listening, giggling and looking up, giving a sly look. Holy shit, Ray said. You totally called him out and he knows it. He totally knows he wants to be a super-villain.