Had a great night in Portland with great friends. It was the distraction I needed. Just gotta take it day by day, not get angry when I did nothing wrong.
I asked Amber, I’m gonna be in Seattle next weekend. I can be very good or very bad. What should I be?
I think you should be very good, she said.
Damn, I said. I’ve been good for a very long time.
I know, too. If I have something coming in soon, I don’t want to fuck it up in the final lap. But I’m so frustrated with being good, doing the right thing. I just don’t know why my life is like this. I’m afraid it doesn’t pay off, that all this work, all this sacrifice…means nothing in the long run.
I’m just down.
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