My Dream Last Night (aka The Return of Coffee Bean Guy)
I was walking down these stairs leading to a cafe and my knee (which has had multiple surgeries) felt weak so I was holding the banister; it was a lot of work making it down those stairs because my knee felt like it was on the verge of giving out. I noticed there was a table at the bottom, and sitting there was Coffee Bean Guy, talking with some people. I hadn’t seen him since our encounter when he invited me to his table and then ignored me, so still feeling slighted, I wouldn’t look at him but I was trying to walk like a normal person, but my knee wasn’t having it.
I get to the bottom and he looks at me and says, “I don’t have time to talk.” Totally insulted that he would think I had shown up just to talk to him, I say, “I wasn’t going to.” He replies, “I would like to though. I’m really glad you did last time. Isn’t it funny how you can really want to do something but then get scared and don’t know how? I was showing up hoping to see you every day but didn’t know how to talk to you.” This threw me for a loop so I just stared at him. He says, “If you have trouble approaching people, I can help you think up ways to approach people.” Offended again, I say, “I’m normally a lot more outgoing and sociable. I just…had no idea what to make of you.” Then this granola-y Mother-Earth type of woman sitting at his table says, “It must be hard approaching people when your knee’s like that.” I thought she meant “crippled” so I said, “Look. I play basketball 4 times a week.” Then I look down at my legs and realize that I must not have been paying attention when I got dressed this morning because I was wearing one white athletic sock and one black dress sock, with shorts and dress shoes. I was totally embarrassed for being dressed like a retard but trying not to show it.
CB guy gets up and says, “Well, maybe we can talk again sometime.” He gets in line for coffee which was where I was headed, but two people get in line just as I get there so rather than standing behind him, I’m standing behind the Mother-Earth chick. She looks like she wants to chat. So rather than talk to her, I call Urethra to tell her about CB guy and the latest freakish conversation.
I’m talking to her and I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t want to talk about him. I figure it’s because this guy is clearly weird and a freak, and she doesn’t want me obsessing over someone who is clearly fucked up. I see that Reggie is trying to call in, but I don’t feel like taking the call just yet, so instead, we chat about Ice Blendeds and fat content. We hang up and I call Reggie but it goes straight to voice mail. I ask him if he wants to hang out tonight. I realize that as I’m leaving the message, I’m walking across what looks like a facsimile of the University of Michigan campus, but I know it’s in LA. I figure it’s an extension campus, but my legs are getting so heavy and I’m still on the eastside of campus, so I duck into a building to rest.
Inside, is some kind of exhibition having to do with alcohol and drug abuse. Each exhibition is set up in what looks like a tiny cubicle. I walk into the one closest to the door and CB guy and that Mother Earth chick are there along with some random minglers. The walls have inspirational quotes having to do with alcohol abuse on these little cards all over the walls, as well as a lot of pictures. I overhear CB guy mentioning that this one guy who’s in a lot of the pictures was his mentor. I pick up a hardcover book that contains quotes on the first page. CB guy tries to look over my shoulder so I show him that page, pointing to the quote and saying, “That’s a good one.” He grabs the book out of my hands and starts reading it. A red flag goes up in my mind that this guy lacks social skills.
The other people leave and it’s just me and CB guy. My legs are tired so I sit on the ground, looking at the pictures. I’m looking at one of his mentor at a political demonstration and CB guy is telling me about being there and I’m thinking, this guy must have been an abuser for a while before he started working at the rehab house, when I notice that he’s getting short of breath. I look over and see that he has taken off his pants and is wearing white briefs underneath, and that he’s reached into them and started masturbating while scooting over towards me. I freak out. “What are you doing?!?” I ask him. He gets confused then says, “I’m sorry, I thought that’s what we were headed towards.” He puts his pants back on and starts making small talk, asking me, “Where did your lunar calendar start?” I’m confused and worried but trying to act like nothing’s wrong; I think he’s trying to ask me for my Chinese astrological sign when I’m thinking, doesn’t the lunar calendar start around the same time every year regardless of the sign? “How old do you think I am?”, I ask him. “28,” he says. I’m relieved he didn’t say 18 or something, making him a pervert [note: Because according to dream logic, the evidence hadn’t made him a “pervert” quite yet]. He adds, “Which is about right based on family statistics in the U.S.” “How old are you?”, I ask. He doesn’t say, just crawls over towards me and in my head, I hear my mom’s voice echoing, “You choose your own future.” I know I’m scared and uncomfortable, but I don’t know how to extract myself from this situation.