Today I had a rough day. Something is bothering me but I’m not exactly sure what. On the surface it was fine. I enjoy stress, actually. It’s a guilty pleasure.
Then there’s the old one working at the mall. The new one…whoever the hell he is. A work environment that occasionally feels hostile, occasionally feels at home, I can’t commit to either. Some days I don’t know whether to laugh or cry but it’s a delicious feeling when you find the perfect balance between both, a bittersweet edge that feels as satisfying as watching a skateboarder screetch across a rail with a trail of flying sparks.
I was reunited with an old professional acquaintance today (but is it really professional when they’re touching you?) and he seemed sad. Sad to hear I was busy and sad that he wasn’t because business hadn’t been so great. I think we are humbled by people from our past who step back into our lives, because they are the only ones who can really evaluate us by comparing us to who we were.
I don’t know. I don’t know if I was different. I haven’t been back there in so long. Maybe something changed in me, or maybe I’ve always been this way and I’m now coming to terms with it. I just don’t want you coming any closer.