My Belated Recap of 2004…
(as found on a ragged piece of paper in my purse)
2004 was the year of…
full time work. living without a net. chiropractors, acupuncturists and physical therapists. self-medication self-obliteration, resurrection on a bottle of wine. ipod was my savior when i saw someone else’s reflection in a dirty puddle. double digits with his little boy asleep in the next room. living naked in a dark place where i didn’t belong. and a sense that i was doing it all to myself. kinky lawyers. faceless penpals. mistakes promptly erased, and the not so clear aftermaths. Frei Bros. vs. Daniel Gehrs. Air at the Hollywood Bowl. false friendships and lesbian dramas. and souvenirs…an undeniable ball of unresolved anger. forwards backwards forwards back. not so much a dance as a stumble. contemplation of death. celebration of life. the birth of two new souls. words as code (never let them know you’re drowning). Never let them know what you need. muse. bleeding. industrial strength soul purger. saying goodbye, saying goodbye, Saying Goodbye. You will learn to like the pain. Whoever said it’s better to tear off a Band-Aid quickly never had a wound that wouldn’t heal. frienemies. letting go. pretending to let go. Fuck letting go. the chase for money. Crying in the closet. Crying in the closet, just because.