I won’t mess with married men because I think I deserve better. Not to be someone’s secret at best, crutch or tool of life disruption at worst. But what if this is it? This is 12th house Venus, take it or leave it?
Imagine this scenario. I disable my rule. I can have any of these guys and they’re easy because they don’t have the freedom or time to impose on me, they don’t have the leverage over me to demand a compromise. I get to carry on in secrecy which is where I generally like my private life to be, I maintain my freedom, I keep my social options open, but I get no strings, minimal demands relationships whenever I want with whoever I want.
Damn that sounds good.
So I thought about, what’s stopping me?
Trust.
Trust that these people will keep things a secret.
Trust that things won’t get messy.
Trust that one day my private life and entanglements will not haunt me some day in the court of public opinion.
But I have a feeling, that day is coming. I can’t keep fighting the same battle because as time goes on it starts to seem arbitrary.
There’s that joke about the guy in a flood, as the water comes in an emergency truck comes by but he says, no thanks, god will save me. Then the water keeps rising and a rescue boat comes by but he says no thanks, god will save me. The water keeps rising and he’s on his roof now and a helicopter comes by, but he says no thanks, god will save me. And then he drowns. When he meets god he’s like, wtf?! And god’s like, dude. I sent you a truck, a boat, a helicopter.
What if I’m sitting here thinking there’s some dude who’s gonna show up and be my dude and be single, but this is as good as it gets?
That depresses me. But if this is the case, then I have to decide if I’m gonna start living.