You said it yourself. Persistence and consistency. You need it. You have low tolerance for the unknown and not knowing where you stand. It does NOT bring out the best in you. Add to that your simultaneous fear of and tendency to repeat the past.
Continue being a rock and an island?
Shit, J. How are you 34 years old and you can read people so well but not be able to figure them out? Why is the navigation so hard?
Okay, let’s break this down. 1st. You only got 2 hours of sleep last night. You can not be thinking or emoting straight. Historically you can not keep your thoughts and emotions from tangling when you are tired. Go to sleep.
2nd. Don’t go on tilt. Stay on your own foundation. On your own side. Stay within yourself and your strength. Breathe. Whatever happens, you have control over yourself and your life. You are okay and you will be okay. Don’t lose that trust.
3rd. You have not been eating enough. You’re anxious. You’re in a state of hypervigilance. You have to detach from the cause and focus on yourself. You’re being controlled from the outside. The inability to sleep and eat are signs. You don’t need to make any sudden drastic moves. But you do have to figure out what’s what and if it’s something that you want in your life.
Revisit this tomorrow. Let it lay tonight.
You got this. Next 3 weeks you’re going to be tested. You got this. Don’t lose sight of what’s important.