I wrote this. I almost didn’t recognize that I did! This was for the collection I wanted to write. Perspectives.
I knew this girl once, Mindy. Mindy was a star employee. She must have gotten straight A’s through high school but got sidetracked smoking pot in college and hanging out with the artsy crowd. She was an Asian girl who seemed to simultaneously look too deep into your eyes while not really looking into your eyes. She was so serious. So funny. So bizarre, so unknown. No one knew anything about her life outside of the office, and she never went to company social functions, always claiming she’d be out of town. She’d probably had a black boyfriend somewhere in her history, she just seemed like the type. But here she was in our office, always wearing conservative sweaters (usually black) with her hair tied back and glasses, always focused in her cubicle getting things done. She fucked our quota every month. We all hated her, but she was nice and she was a chick so we felt guilty for hating her. I think deep down we all secretly wanted to fuck her just to know what she was about. I remember my moment. It was one afternoon. We were on an emergency run to the printers for brochures, getting stuck in traffic on the way back. We’d never been alone together outside of the office, and we made idle, awkward conversation. I got a text from my ex, who was giving me shit about some money I owe her. Who’s that, she asked. My ex, I said. She’s fucking crazy. Mindy shook her head. If she’s crazy, why are you talking to her? She’s always texting me, I said. Then stop answering her!, she yelled. I was offended for a second, but then she burst out laughing. I started laughing too. It was such an obvious thing. And in that moment, I wanted to reach over into the sash of sunlight across her arm and touch her. I wanted to know her skin.
But that’s another story. So the company loves her. She’s a little quirky, takes the dress code monotonously, but she gets shit done. So everyone leaves her alone. Then one day, I get a message from my friend Rob in IT to come over to his cubicle.
I get there and he’s got this grin on his face, like the fucker’s sitting there with my toothbrush up his ass, just waiting for me to find out.
What’s up?, I say.
So…the company had me install a program so we can track communication coming in and out of the office. Emails, IMs, that sort of thing.
What? When did this happen?
Well technically no one’s supposed to know, so keep it on the DL. They just want to track what’s coming in and out of the company.
They’re spying on us?!?
Look, don’t lose the plot, man. Check this. I’ve been looking at the logs. Here’s what you’re messaging this morning. Business, business, asking Carl if he caught Family Guy last night, boring shit.
What’s your point?
Here’s what… Mindy was writing.
First of all, there were a lot of conversations. It looked like in a matter of a couple of hours, she’d had over 30 conversations with different people. How was she so fucking efficient?
What am I looking for, Rob.
Keep looking. Look for anything that might stand out.
I scrolled through quickly but it seemed like office stuff regarding logistics, follow-ups and internal communication. About three-fourths down the file, my eyes screetched to a halt. I saw the word.
Blowjob.
I scrolled back up and Rob laughed knowingly.
She was talking to someone.
KAT8: hey
MindE614: what’s up
KAT8: need to ask you a question
MindE614: go for it
KAT8: do you ever have any problems getting a guy to come when you’re giving a blowjob?
MindE614: no
KAT8: oh
MindE614: well sometimes if they’ve already cum multiple times.
Kat8: oh
MindE614: why. What happened?
Kat8: I don’t know if it’s me and I’m not doing it right.
MindE614: are you massaging his balls?
Kat8: yeah, but I don’t do it very hard because I don’t want to hurt him.
MindE614: are you using your hand?
Kat8: what do you mean?
MindE614: you want to slide your hand along with your mouth, so it feels deeper. Use both hands, one to massage his balls and one to stroke. If you wanna be pro, try stroking his g spot while you massage his balls and if he’s getting close, pick up the pace but whatever you do, don’t alter the pace!
Kat8: ok, thanks. I’ll have to practice that.
MindE614: whatever you do, just relax. Have fun. Don’t make it work
Kat8: you’re the best! Hey are you going to andy’s bbq on Saturday?
MindE614: oh crap, I can’t make it. I’m going to be out of town.
Kat8: alright. We have to hang out sometime.
MindE614: for sure.
Kat8: bye
I was speechless. I look at Rob. He just looks at me like he needs a cigarette.
We need to date this girl to figure out what’s up, he says.
I laugh, and get back to work.
Later that day, I see Mindy leaving.
What are you doing this weekend, I ask her as she passes by.
Oh, I don’t know. A friend of mine is having a bbq.
Sounds great, I say. Have fun.
Thanks, she says and she walks away.
I went home and jacked off, coming so hard I nearly blacked out.