Echo

And he said social experiments.
And he said mindfuck.
And we both have asperger siblings.

This needs attention.
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I told him May was going to be a big month for me.

“Why? Because of a tarot card?”

I picked up his sarcasm. While I do have tarot cards, May was just a feeling. Then I thought about the Earth man card and how for 10 years, I’d been drawn to it, waiting to cross paths with him. And ever since I got to Fremont, I’ve felt that I would meet him in May.

So maybe it was because of a tarot card.

Somehow, he read me.
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“Can I know what your lower lip tastes like?”

“No.”
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A lot synchronized today. Intel and Amax. Dual 8 goals. It’s a match.

I realize in a meeting, I need a handler. Then I wonder where to find a handler. Then I realized I’d already met one. The realization made me drop my pen.

Sometimes I get so caught up in talking to customers about my company that I find myself on the verge of tears of passion.

A large percentage of my customers are awkward around me.

The way he stares at me, his eyes go all black. It makes me wonder how black I am that his eyes reflect it.

11:18
4/18

33

i spent the weekend thinking.

why is jerry so angry.

this song is owning me right now. full moon and i’m wondering why it doesn’t feel like one, when i finally look up the lyrics of this song which i’ve been listening to obsessively in my car, and i get it. it clicks.

i found myself laughing about it. it’s time to let go of amsterdam.

there was, and has been, something seriously wrong with Japan.

you want to confront me with my lies. i lie all the time.

but i also tell the truth all the time.

all i care about is whether you accept me. whether i can trust to sleep around you.

i just can’t stress this more.

to successfully live an honest life, you have to be honest about the truth and smart about the lies.

My life theme is redemption. I spent the first half of my life trying to analyze why, now I just focus on getting there.
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I rock black calf socks and make it my style when really I think seeing a woman’s calves should be a privilege.
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two nights ago, someone broke into my dreams and i couldn’t chase him because i had to wake up and meet someone and i couldn’t be late. entire dream was whispering that it’s 5:00, i had to go. i caught glimpses of the man slipping through the crowd. i’d seen him before. i’d seen him in recent dreams before. he looked like christian. but lately, they all look like christian. and christian had looked like someone else. it’s the shaved head that triggers something. i choose to wake up. it’s 5:00, just like my dream said it was. stumble around in the dark. think about that shaved head moving through the crowd. my mind sends out a trace. china pings back.

the experience of me ranges between loving, humbling and haunting. where would you like to be?

he gets a text from her.

do you want to share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

at first he doesn’t know what she means, and then he kind of likes that he doesn’t know what she means.

meanwhile, she is waiting, wondering which of the prophecy would come true. were they doomed to someday fight to the death, or would they share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

imagine meeting a girl, and realizing…she would always know. she looks at you and she can read your truth and your lies like an open book.

imagine if you overcame your terror and realized what a relief it could be.

this song is how i feel…

Jean says to me today that all information and gossip is with me now, and why I would want to carry all this.

Weren’t you the one who always said being the boss means knowing everything that’s really going on around you?, I ask.
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Media and marijuana are tools of my communication.
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May 11th. I’m going to be in Vegas. Yeah? Are we gonna make this happen? I’ll do my best to show up. You work on not disappointing me.