Echo

When I’m asking everyone for advice, it means I already know the answer.

Julia, the right guy will make himself known. He will actively make plans with you and take steps to realize those plans. He will want to take care of you and put you first because he is a man and you are his woman. When things are good he will be next to you sharing those times and when things are not good, he will be fighting those circumstances (not you) to make them right. When you are sad or mad, he will immediately show he cares and actively try to resolve things because he will be protective of both you and the sacred bond between you and will see this as an opportunity to bring you closer. When he is sad or mad, he will tell you because he will want it fixed and he wants to give you the chance. You should never have to fight to get your feelings heard or understood. You should never have to fight to get a man to love you, take care of you or be there for you. You should never have to justify your feelings in order to get him to take them seriously. He will, because he is serious about you.

Julia, THIS is your man.

At least I fought for it. Well, I guess now you’ll know how badly he wants it.

Today I went to my parents house for lunch and my dad happened to be in the garage. As soon as I saw him I burst into tears. He talked to me and I told him what was in my heart. I asked him as someone who wants to see me happy and wants the best for me, what should I do. His face suddenly started trembling and tears welled up in his eyes. His voice cracked. He said, “Every night I pray for two things. That your brother will get better and that you’ll find a good man who loves you and takes care of you.”

That’s when I realized the depth of his love and worry.

Yes you will.

What does that mean when you’re one month into a relationship, people guess you’ve been dating for 5 years, and now people guess 2 months.

I am both my life and my artificial life.

Adrian is ArQnet?
29. 29.
March 29th.

*sigh*

Don’t get mad. Just do what he does. When you go out of town, hold back and selectively respond. It’s not about having a “different relationship with your phone.” It’s about having different relationship expectations. It could be about different values. But see how he feels, how you feel. End of the day you need to be happy. Probably if the relationship makes you feel this insecure, your needs are not being met. You have to examine if your needs are reasonable. If they are and he can’t adjust, well, there you are. You have your answer.

Imagine being really good at something but not really liking it.

Shawn Bradley about basketball. Me about sex.

And then, it finally clicks.

There’s only one. There was ever only one.

If I could look him in the heart and say something, it would be, Rene, you can hold on to me. In fact, I have never wanted anything more in my life as much as I want you to hold on to me. But I have to let you go.

And he would know exactly what that means. And would do the right thing.

Instead of worrying about ways I could lose him, think about ways I can make him happy.

That is my key.

Have you had enough yet?

Getting there.

If I hadn’t sworn by the concept of wanting only what’s mine and if it’s right it would happen, I would have made a move. And maybe life would be different now. And not necessarily better.

I’m evolving.

The house’s moods could shift walls. We lived on a boat, tossed by moods. I had no control of anything, growing up.

From the first time I met you, I knew what I wanted.

Does he become the guy or is it another guy? I still can’t tell yet. Right now he’s almost the guy but he isn’t the guy.

I’m worried because I’ve reverted back to I/you statements instead of we. And I’m preparing myself for what it will be like when he’s with someone else, trying to numb myself to it. Is it me facing reality or a self-fulfilling prophecy? I’m not sure. I feel like I don’t know up from down these days.

If there’s something that bothers you about a person’s past, it’s probably not the past you have a problem with but something in the present.

I feel like every time things get good and he acts strange. A little more combative, a little more subversive, makes deflective jokes and I don’t know why. And then he puts it on me. Maybe he just doesn’t have a good handle on his own feelings but it affects me, and I don’t like it when he puts it on me when I react. What’s the alternative? Not react? Not communicate? It makes me resent communicating when meanwhile he’s not communicating. It feels one way. Like one hand clapping. It feels futile. Then when I stop communicating because I feel like I’m way out there by myself, we have a problem. The script gets flipped, it makes me feel like I’m in a vulnerable place alone, and then it’s my problem.  He asks me not to test the relationship but he doesn’t see he tests it, too.  I’m really sad today. I think what I really need is something stable and consistent. Then again, I know that. I’ve been saying that all along, haven’t I?

I’m tired of things. I’m tired of silence. I would rather have silence for a reason, than a person next to me who makes me feel lonely.