Echo

I was just reading a show recap of Oprah about Wives Who Don’t Want Sex. Don’t ask. I like how they talk about how this is a problem that ruins marriages and lives. Your whole life will be ruined because you lose your sex drive, even more so than by hitting a kid with a car, by letting your baby drown in the bathtub or by shooting a cashier in the face in the middle of an armed robbery. I hate how the media tries to freak people out. I did like how the site mentions how current society makes sex almost a strictly physical thing, with the widespread promotion of things like Viagra. It’s another way that Western Medicine misses the point and only deals with surface issues.

So what is sex and does it change over the course of a person’s life? I don’t mean the maturity swing where one settles in and prefers a steady, monogamous partner versus casual sex with strangers. I mean, how you view it and your relationship to the connection, another person and yourself.

Can it be, the more content you are, the less you want? Sex reminds me of how ephemeral things are. You have a spiritual connection with someone, it transcends time, space and boundaries. You have sex with someone, it escalates to a desired peak and then it’s gone, and you are left thinking, “I was so caught up with chasing something, I totally lost track of the present. And it all seems a bit…disappointing when you come back and look at it.” Does closeness only come by way of sex? I feel like sex shows me why it’s not the answer to intimacy. You sleep with someone and afterwards, it’s the emotional/spiritual bond that brings the feeling of closeness, not having done an act that leads directly to it. It’s like people who think that once they’ve made a lot of money, they’ll be fulfilled, but when they’ve finally amassed a fortune, they realize they still feel the same and have to find other, deeper ways to attain personal fulfillment. I’m usually disappointed with sex in terms of looking for what I love, deep intimacy, connection and spiritual closeness. My disappointment is no fault of my partner, but I think the ideal partner has to approach intimacy the same way, and to also value the same type of deep spiritual connection that I desire and need.

I think one night stands are fine for physical exploration. But if I’m looking for a relationship, then sex loses its importance and appeal to me because I’m looking for something that transcends sex, a greater high, so by searching for it through sex is disappointing and blatantly unfulfilling. It actually has the power to make me unhappy in a relationship. Or perhaps it’s not sex itself, but the type of sex it is. It’s almost like having a conversation–if you’re talking with someone who doesn’t “get” you, your ideas where you come from, so that you find yourself having very surface conversations, you are kind of aware of how unfulfilling the conversation is. It’s probably not a big deal because it’s just a conversation and there are probably other people you can go for stimulating conversation at a level that fulfills you.

But in a monogamous relationship, you only get to sleep with one person. If each person looks for something different out of sex, ie one person looks for spiritual connection while another looks for physical pleasure, it’s like having a conversation where two people are talking to each other, connecting to some degree, but not to the degree where both are on the same page and getting what they need out of it. And you can’t go and say, I sleep with different people and get something different out of each relationship so overall, I have my needs met. Therefore, that one person has to fulfill you in the way that you need, otherwise, perhaps this person isn’t a good match for you.

So often it’s not about good or bad people. It’s just about needs and compatibility. When I cast a project, I see a lot of amazing actors and actresses and I wish I could use them. But sometimes it’s about the right look, about how well they fit into that role, if they slip into it like a second skin, a second soul.

Isn’t that process how we find a partner though? We audition people for a role we have in mind where we have an idea of who the character is, and then we see how well they “fit” into that role where we can truly see them as an integrated component in our universe? It’s about believing, where we can believe that this piece of the puzzle was always part of the puzzle all along, even if it wasn’t always in the box. I don’t think things always fit perfectly with people and you work at it, but I feel like the underlying feeling, is that no matter what, you can still believe that this “actor” IS truly the character who owns this role.

Or maybe it all comes down to fear. And how the hell do we untangle that big ball of enormous emotional mess if we can’t even figure out if it has a beginning or an end?

This Is Why I Don’t Tell You Where To Find My Brother’s Blog:

If Julia got her 2005 Infiniti FX35 she would first drive it to Fremont,CA to show us. We will be the first ones to ride in it. The CDS she would put in her cd changer are New Radicals, Rem, David Gray, Sting, Jet and Boyzone. She will play it on the Bose music system. I think we will love it.

*****

Boyzone?!? That is RECKLESS reporting, boy!

[ps–remember when I told you guys Michael likes to copy me? He tried to set up a blog for my mom. The address? www.jhchunderass.blogspot.com]

How to Tell If Your Relationship is Over

I can’t stop!

Another reason why brunettes rule…

One night, we were listening to KCRW and we heard this song…

And today, I’ve found the video that goes with it.

“It puts the lotion in the basket…”

Stupid White People

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1113&rtn=main-topten

Of course. If Springer can do it, then why not Jeffre?

Weekend Recap

So Michael went home yesterday and I was very sad.

It’s incredibly exhausting to have him here (10 days this time) because he needs a lot of attention in that he’s always talking to me. He’ll follow me around the house about a foot behind me, usually running into me if I stop too suddenly, and he’ll be telling me all about cars he wants, the MSRP’s, the options, where the dealers are located, what the gas mileage is, etc. Keep in mind, this is the same conversation that happens over and over and over throughout the entire day, every day. I’ll be going from room to room picking things up and he’ll follow right behind me from room to room, not missing a beat with his spiel. Sometimes, I’ll pick up the phone and pretend I’m calling 911 and I’ll say, “911? There is a strange, Asian man following me around…”
And then Michael will laugh and say, “Julia…” and then continue on about whether Bose is a standard stereo system in that particular car.

And then when Michael is gone, it’s so quiet and the house feels empty. :(

On Saturday we had a yard sale by Rebecca’s house. We discovered that 80% of people who showed up were driving minivans.

It’s funny how you can be selling something for $1, like a DVD for example, and people will still try to bargain you down to 50 cents. Kate had brought donuts and we had a lot left, so we decided to put up a sign saying donuts for sale for 25 cents. With the way yard-sale bargaining worked, I was surprised nobody suggested that we pay them to take a donut.

I took Michael to the psycho-hypnotist in the afternoon. He wanted to work on anger management so she runs through the evaluation then puts him under. She let me watch and it was really cool because I saw him go under. She suggested to him that he wouldn’t throw tantrums anymore because he would remember that he’s a controlled, powerful man who would be able to successfully negotiate things whenever someone told him “No,” rather than get angry. So she gives him suggestions for 15 minutes about anger control and staying calm, and when he comes out he says he feels good and he thinks it was going to work. So I pay her the $125 session fee, and we leave. Michael says, “Julia, let’s practice. Can I come visit you in LA? You say no.” So I say, “No.” He shrugs and cheerfully says, “Okay! See? It worked!”

So we get outside and he asks me if I can go to Panda Express which is down the street. I say no because it’s not healthy. He looks at me like I’m joking and I say, we just went and bought groceries. I’ll go home and make us sandwiches. So he says he wants to go to Panda Express and I say no, and then he raises his fist to threaten me. Keep in mind, we’re still standing on the sidewalk outside the doctor’s office where I just spent a hundred and twenty-five dollars. So I guess that didn’t work.

No one informed me about daylight savings time. I showed up for an appt on Sunday exactly an hour late. Okay, an hour and 10 minutes late.

I’ve been having an aversion to blogging about what’s on the news. I figure you all already know what’s going on every day since media is everywhere. Why have it on my blog as well.

I made a variation of quiche on Saturday night. Had an assist from lengli (who also provided this awesome link of rap lyrics translated). It was somewhat like an Argentinian Tortilla de Papa.

I took two large potatoes and peeled them, then cut them into thin strips, about the thickness of McDonald’s french fries but half their length. I poured olive oil over them and made sure they were evenly covered. I browned them in a pan with rosemary, thyme, savory, basil, oregano and salt and pepper, leaving the cover on. In the last 5 minutes, I threw in half an onion (chopped into thin slivers) cooking them under the cover with the potatoes to soften them and to take off their edge. When they were soft, I lined the bottom of a baking dish with the potatoes and onions.

For the filling, I mixed 5 egg white whites with 5 whole eggs, along with 1 1/2 cups of skim milk, 3/4 cups of shredded cheddar, 3/4 cups of mozzarella, 3/4 cups of diced turkey breast (lunch meat), 2 stems of asparagus sliced into thin disks, 1/2 cup of finely chopped green onions, a little bit of fresh basil (cut into thin strips) and a dash of garlic powder.

I beat this mixture with a whisk until it was frothy, then poured it over the potatoes. I baked it for 40 minutes at 350.

It came out quite tasty. We finished off the meal with some Dreyer’s Samoa Grand Light ice cream, based on the Girl Scout Cookie.

I wanted to watch So I Married an Axe Murderer after the movie since I got that Phil Hartman line in my head about being called Vicki (also courtesy of lengli) but we opted for Zoolander instead. I was so happy when they finally saved the Prime Rib of Propecia.

I’m finding that I’m starting to formulate my sentences like Michael. And last but not least, I should probably get to work at 9:37AM April 4th, 2005.