Today it took 4 hours for me to make lemonade because I fell into a k-hole.
In case anyone doesn’t want to be surprised before hand, Reggie’s cake on Thursday will be carrot. And it will be adorned with a frosting princess.
I’ve joined a women’s basketball league, which turned out to be a JEWISH women’s basketball league. It’s fine though, they’ve got some girls who have really good game, though some of them play in those really long black skirts so they can’t dribble between their legs. I’m not sure they all have the ability to dribble between their legs per se, but in any case, it’s a good excuse if you can’t.
Our first game two weeks ago, I led our team with 10 points, 14 rebounds, 2 steals and a block. I think I had an extra block in their but Reggie was keeping the tally and I guess he didn’t see it. It wasn’t a big one, just one of those subtle ones where I brushed it on the way up with my finger tips so it fell just short of the basket. Blocked shots make me happy. Unless I’m the shooter. Then I feel like an asshole.
Last week’s game was frustrating. I felt the burning desire to punch one of the girls on my team, who’s a selfish and non-team oriented player, who was hiding out in the post because she didn’t want to play perimeter defense which was where she was supposed to be, and then she kept bitching that I was out of position. I was out of position because she was hiding in mine. I blocked 4 shots and knocked people to the ground because I outweigh most of the girls by 20 to 30 lbs., can block out and play physical, and can grab backboard when I jump. That’s what qualifies me to be in the post. She didn’t want to chase their speedy point guard around. That’s what she appeared to think qualified her to play in the post and to yell at me to tighten up the middle. She also mistook a 2-2 zone defense, which I proposed and she agreed to before the game, for an offense. I mean, I don’t know what part of “2-2 zone DEFENSE” made her so vehemently argue that it was an OFFENSE…but I started to feel like Sean Young in Ace Ventura screaming, “LACES OUT!” as I was screaming, “THE 2-2 ZONE IS A DEFENSE” and I finally gave up. But the level with which I wanted to hit her and with which I still do has prompted me to call the hypnotherapist for a “chillout/anger management” session. But if I find her hiding in the post again next week, I’m going to knock her down.
I’ll tell you what I got for Reggie for his birthday. I got him the special edition DVD of King Kong, and tickets to an upcoming Angels/Red Sox game. And a nice case of syphilis. I’m just kidding. About the King Kong DVD.
I’m very tired today. I don’t know why it took 4 hours to make lemonade.